Just Write

It’s not a poem or a story. It’s just what I wanna write. I like it or not, you like it or not, I’ll post it here. It’s not for me myself or one of you. It’s just what I wanna write. I’m letting my fingers to type what they wanna type. This written paper will have a meant or not, I don’t care. Here’s what my fingers typing:

I don’t know why I immediately feel so bad. I just wanna keep my mouth from any words. I don’t wanna do something. I just wanna let my brain get rest. I just wanna close my eyes, not to see my fingers typing. I just wanna be alone. I just wanna talk to my heart. This life has never been fair. Acting on the stage is what we’re doing.

I don’t know why I immediately feel so sad. I cant see there’s a bright in this world. I hope this world will stop around. It just wastes time to circle this universe without bringing happiness for itself. It’s just doing something un-useful. None will care of it. None. None will see its sadness as none will see mine.

Have you ever cried but you don’t know why you do. Have you ever think this world just has a narrow place for you. Have you ever seen the sadness power you strong?

I came to a friend’s home. He asked me why I looked so sad. But I didn’t say a word. I just sit down on the sofa. But I didn’t wanna let myself trapped at that beautiful house. I got to the car and drove it speed. As I played Guns n Roses hard I cried. I let ‘Patience’ and ‘Estranged’ filled full my mind. I played them again and again. I didn’t know why and what for. I just felt so sad. I just wanna cried. I had never cried for so many years. I almost forgot how to cry….

(You can read more here…)

Rudeness in Indonesian Guys’ View

How can they have 180 degrees difference of opinions?

My friends say I have much love in my heart. They say I’m honest and they like to hear my opinion when they must face a problem because I’ll show them the truth. I’m kind and love mankind.
And the other hand, many office mates say I’m rude. My words are too rude, I always answer sharply and speak straight forward. I’m not like an Indonesian in views and life style. I shouldn’t be so honest because I’m an Indonesian. Are they too opposite each other?

I don’t mind what other people think of me. I don’t mind what they all will say about me. For all reasons, I won’t change myself into somebody. I know I’m not a perfect one. I may do something wrong and I’m not good enough in religion, at least I won’t share my opinion based on my religion except people ask me.

A hard one is I can’t hide something bad behind my back. I won’t say a bad thing as a good thing even for my enemy. I won’t push my enemies (If I had) to a gorge. I’ll say the truth even it’s too bitter to say. I’d heard many people say that I shouldn’t say the truth for my enemies or especially my boss. Why can’t I? Why should I hide the truth for some people and say it for others? In my eyes, all people are same. Just because they eat different food, it doesn’t mean they’re special in this case. The truth will be the truth in everywhere. It doesn’t care if you like it or not or you can take it or not.

I won’t appreciate my office mates based on their personal behave but just based on their skill or works. I sometimes don’t see or say hi to some of them for weeks because of my busy days. I don’t care what they will do as long as they don’t take hand on my work, I won’t be busy with their private business.

About Yesterday

I proved once again that being honest ain’t a good thing here in my country. School arranged a workshop for all components in the school but students. We’ll use an adoptive-adaptive curriculum in new academic year, so we need to create new administrative papers. The problem is the new curriculum should be written in two kinda languages, Indonesian and English, for math, physics, chemistry, and biology which these four subjects will adapt and adopt Cambridge curriculum.

As usual, I used to ask what I should or may do and make everything clear before I start to work. So I asked the chairman of the workshop. This guy doesn’t teach one of those subjects. He teaches social science. He answered me with his mother language which I couldn’t understand.

‘Okay, I’ll ask you once again. Which curriculum will we use, IGCSE and A/AS level or IGCSE only? Which year of curriculum should we use because we’re managing a curriculum for new academic? The students will take the examination in 2010. The fastest one may be in 2009 but we just have curriculum 2008. Let’s make everything clear what we should do first,’ I repeated as tried to speak loud because we’re in the school’s main hall and no a microphone with me. He couldn’t hear me if I spoke softly, could he?

He took a seat beside me and showed me his mad face. I didn’t care if he got mad. I just needed to know what I had to do. I can’t start to work before I know what I should do, right? Then he said that I’d used rude words. How the hell should I speak? What kinda words would he like to hear? I’ll say they’re typical Indonesians for such guys. They don’t know what to do but when others can do better they’ll say badly for them. God damn it, why most Indonesian guys can’t accept their weaknesses?

When I told an Indonesian male friend about it, he agreed with me. In his opinion, it’s really true. See, he’s a guy and he’s an Indonesian but he agreed with me!

(You can read more here…)