February 25, 2010

U’RE NOBODY

U’re a foolish creature. U never do something right. U’re just an outsider for everyone. U’re nothing, u know that, dirty chicken? U need a big mirror to take a look your shadow and your face on it. U’ll know how unshaped-weak-skinny-body u have. U’ll know how moron u are. U’ll know u’re nobody. U might be the best graduated student but u’re sh*t in my assh*le, old b*tch!

Mr. X dug a huge hole in my head for more than eleven years and he got to grow my mindset as what he wanted. I didn’t dare to meet people for years. I had smile rarely for years. I got away from mirror. I hid myself in the closet for years. I just went out for a work, or with my little son. I didn’t look at people’s eyes when talking to them or walking around but just looking at my toes. I just knew I was nobody. I could be the best student at elementary until senior high school, I could be the best graduated student at my faculty, I could be one of 20 people who got the president scholarship in my country, but all were luck. Even though my IQ was 148 I was so stupid in life. I actually knew that I was nobody.

I later tried to build my self confidence. When I almost got it back, somebody else just proved me that all of Mr. X’ words are true. I know now that Mr. X is the winner. He will be always the winner and he will be the right endorse on my life. I know it now. I swear I do know it now. I can understand now why Mr. X always laughed at me. I can understand now why I always did wrong things in my past.
It’s because of the only one reason. Because… I’m nobody. I’m nothing.

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