Not Good Enough

The most women may use their feeling to solve a problem but for sure it ain't my way at all. But hey... I'm a woman, right? How cannot I use same way with other women? Had I got too close with my father to make me think as what guys think? I thought I wasn't so close with my father when I was a teen only. But later we were. A few years before he passed away, he told mom, my sisters and brother that he wanna stay with me if mom went away before him. I can still remember how he stared at me when he at first time knew that I'd decided to wear hijab. I thought we weren't so close but he chose me to live with. He'd talk so much to me when he's staying with me. He talked everything and reminded me that I wasn't alone in this world. He said that I shouldn't take other people as I'd accepted myself because not all guys were good. Some people out there might get the advantages for themselves if I did trust them too much. I didn't know why he said so. But all are the truth I guess. And now I also cant use feeling as what other women do.

The title above describe my recent feeling. Not good enough. I don't know why I can't focus well on something. Am I too tired of this sucked life? Am I too old to think much? Yes I'm old already as I'm a mom of teenagers. I'd also seen too much in this world and many parts of it were so bad in my eyes. Yes, many parts....

I may be too tired to listen to office mates lying too much in their works. I just be close with a few number of office mates because they will tell me if I did wrong things. They're true friends I guess. But recently I can't chat with them as I have too much work and must go out when they all are in school. I think (see... I'm thinking again... this brain will be overload soon...) I don't know what to say because I'm not good enough inside.