October 17, 2017


October 9, 2017


Oh my God, I'm finally on a social media called Facebook. Oh my God...! It's because a teacher association asks members to join Facebook or Twitter if they want to join the association.

My son was so kind to create one for me and managed friendship with some people. I asked him not to have many friends, might be about 20s, because it was impossible for me to remember a lot of names. He said my account might be blocked by FB if I had only a few friends. Oh my God! So he made about 30s.

When I finally saw my page, what the ****! I didn't know people who were showed on my homepage, but a few. Who were they? How did they come? My son said he might add wrong people and received wrong invitations. Oh God! My home page showed me only photos and photos of people, or photos with some words. My prediction was really correct that I shouldn't be there. I was feeling like I just came out from a jungle.

I then looked for HTML where I might edit just like I would do here on blogspot. I needed much time before I realized there was no HTML section to edit. I really felt like Mowgli from The Jungle Book.

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October 8, 2017

Selfie on Social Media

Honestly I don't know why people should be connected through social media today. Why can't people go private?

Okay, a blog is not too private, indeed, but we can share long articles with photos, not only photos. My son just created Facebook account for me because the association asked FB or twitter account as one of terms to join. I had a twitter account several years ago - might be 5 years ago - but it's removed already for time limitation as first reason.

I respect people but I'd rather to read articles than to see selfie photos. Young people here in my country spend very little time to read books, so they can be arranged to read if teachers write on timeline.

Education ministry has literacy program for schools of all grades. It's very good as it's needed. Reading is very important. Young people need to know how to search good sources called digital literacy. Teachers support it at school, however. But it shouldn't be only at school. Because young people will spend much more time in internet, why don't teachers support this by writing, not only posting selfie photos? Posting selfie photos are not bad, but at least they can write one or two pagaraph for students to read.

I'm only one among millions standing with this opinion, but I (we) do hope it will work better.

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October 4, 2017

A Suicidal Person

I hate to admit this but I'm just trying to help myself. I read in several websites that by telling this I can help myself to get rid of suicide attempt. So I'm trying.

It was started by - I really don't know how or why - a day when I had a suicide thought. It was because I felt that  all efforts I had done to escape seemed like no a way out. It was very soon putting me to a suicide thought. I searched methods to get painless suicide. I watched 20s youtube videos about getting suicide. I read hundreds articles how to do suicide, but in a same time I also looked for how to get rid of this stuff.

It finally brought me to prepare myself. I tried to buy a revolver but this country doesn't allow me to do. I thought a strong rope might help. I searched many photos how appearance of people after hanging themselves. It was pitiful. I didn't want to hang myself.
I then bought a short sharp knife. I put it in living room where I would possible see it often. It would be easier to find when I needed it, I thought. I also liked high buildings. It seemed so lonely but peaceful to stand on a high building. I could be there alone and nobody could reach me. I could feel wind hit my face, I thought. I tried to search some possible ways to end the life.

And finally.... One early morning, something or someone knocked my head to get up. I immediately got up and run to backyard. I saw a body hung on ceiling of my backyard. I could see by my eyes that she was me hanging on neck. I got frozen so soon. It's me! Why didn't I know when it was? My brain seemed to get back as I was thinking who was checking the hanging body. It was me, my brain said. So, was it possible to see me hanging on ceiling while I was standing in front of the body? I clasped both hands trying to feel my own body. Then looked at the hanging body. It disappeared!

At evening of other day, I wanted to take clothes at backyard. At out door I saw my right wrist was bleeding. I looked at carefully on my hand. Yes, some blood was there! I looked at another hand, another wrist. It was clean. I hold my left wrist by my right wrist. Yes, it was really clean. No blood. No wound. I again looked at my right bloody wrist. It was clean now! There was no blood which I saw seconds before. No wound. It was really clean now.

Today the sharp knife is still on a same place in living room. I see blood everywhere now. But the blood will disappear in seconds when I turn to other side. I often see my wrist with blood but the blood also will disappear in seconds without I need to clean it up.

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March 14, 2016


I wish I could shed a tear as others always do at sadness....


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January 12, 2015

Fenugreek: Getting Rid of Hair Loss

To get rid of hair fall or hair loss, both for women and men, can be easily done by fenugreek powder or fenugreek seeds.
1) Using fenugreek powder. You can take plenty of fenugreek powder. Mix it with plenty of water to get paste (coconut water will give a better result). Apply on ur scalp. Massage softly by circling your fingers (fore finger and mid finger) on the scalp. Let it there for at least 1.5 hours. Wash and clean your hair. Do this treatment everyday or at least 3 times a week.  

2) Using fenugreek seeds. You can also use fenugreek seeds. Add fenugreek seeds into some how water, just like making a cup of tea. Drink the funegreek water, let plenty of water with the seeds, and blend them to get a wet mixture. Apply the mixture on your scalp. Massage softly by circling your fingers (fore finger and mid finger) on the scalp. Let it there for at least 1.5 hours. Wash and clean your hair. Do this treatment everyday or at least 3 times a week. 

By one of these two simple ways, you can not only get rid of hair fall or hair loss, but also remove dandruff from your scalp. You can choose which one is simpler for you. The result will be various for everyone, depends on health of scalp. I myself use fenugreek to control blood sugar level and cholesterol level by drinking the fenugreek tea twice a week. Going to natural remedies is the best way, indeed.

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December 9, 2014

Supply for Over the World : Essential Oils

I today trade essential oils for around the world. My buyers are mostly from Indonesia, both individual buyers for personal needs and distributors. Several distributors have tied with other supplier before they finally decide to contact me. The only one reason is because I give them much better quality (if it's too cocky to say the best) at much lower price. For me in doing a trading business is not to gain the rate too much for any reason. The trading business is only my side job. Money from the trading is mostly spent for charity, mainly for my foster children. I myself run some other business and work as a chemistry teacher.

The trading chain in Indonesia is quite complicated where so many agents play without even have a mL of item offered. If the buyer wants a sample, they may ask down payment first but the sample will never reach the buyer. No wonder Indonesian traders are banned at many trusted trading websites. By this reason I don't offer my products through online sales. Except items from abroad offered by trader mates will be advertized in an Indian trading website. In the last case, I myself just forward the order note to the traders.

I myself isn't called a trader by my business partners because I tell them the initial rate and gain the rate for a very low margin, is maximum 1% of the initial rate. Say it the producer gives me at US 100 of an item, so I will release this item at maximum USD 101. It's so cheap to call a profit. I will not take any other types of profit from both the producer and the buyers. Once again I say that I do this business for charity only to spend time.

What Do We Offer?
We are able to supply several kinds of essential oils. Big products are clove oil (stem, leaf, and bud variants), patchouli oil, ginger oil, and  citronella oil. Several unpublished oils are limited offers for fixed contracts.

You are allowed to buy a sample packed 1 kg of each. I actually don't sell samples but for a subsequent trustworthy big order, we will ask you to pay the sample (each 1 kg) at a gained rate. If you make a big order after receiving the sample, your money for sample will return back to your pocket. You can include the repayment in your payment of big order or you can see it at your bank account. You decide.

For the order, the buyers must pay the order price and the shipping payment (which is various in time and location). I myself will conduct documents for the shipping. In this part, I teach several young men to join me so they will learn by themselves how to run a real business. It's a part of being a teacher, isn't it?

If any party is interested in making an order, just let me know. 


(You can read more here…)

May 6, 2014

A Song for Mama

This is a song called A Song for Mama, which I will play everytime I’m missing my son. He loves arts, especially singing and playing instruments.
He said that he wrote the song when he missed me much. What a loveable son he is. Just like every mom will do, he is the first and the best reason to survive for me. We both are close but we nowadays live separated for his study.

He was 19 years old when he wrote A Song for Mama. He is now 20 years old.

A Song for Mama 

I wake up in the morning and trying to open my eyes 
I see the sun shine comes from the glass of the window 
The bright of the sun is not brighter than when I see your smile 
My body is covered by the blanket not warmer than your hug 
Thinking about you is all I do every middle of the night 
I pray for you in every time 
I pray for you in every night 
Hope you’re alright although we’re torn apart 
Just stay and wait for me to hold you later 
 (Whisper) I miss you….

His page in soundcloud.com


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April 20, 2014

Mental Disorder

Will you take it when you’ve been told that you have a mental disorder? In my case, I’m not trying to deny it but I’m fine with it. I guess. I’m normal and I live a normal life.

It was started at a night. I had been talking to a friend until late night and he asked if I wanna sleep. I said no, I would not close my eyes tonight. He asked me why. So I explained him everything that I felt since years ago, probably more than 10 years ago. He asked me several things related to why I forced my eyes opened. He then stated that I had a mental sickness. I denied it immediately. He said it’s fine and everything would be fine but I needed a help. He said I deserved to have a happy life. I once again denied his words by saying I was happy and it’s only about a little scary I had.

Next day I browsed and found out several facts about anxiety. For sure I must admit that I have an anxiety disorder. It’s really shocked me. I just cant write it more now. I would try to accept my life just like before I’ve been told that I have a mental disorder.

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January 5, 2014


An infotainment news in a website about the breakup of Ricky Martin and his longtime boyfriend, Carlos Gonzalez, has been a pretty long discussion between two sides, are agree and disagree about being a gay. I actually just put my comment there as a mommy and a teacher with hundreds young males. I’m in this case not judging wrong or right of being a gay. I got thumb nails down and up for the short comment, however.

Curiosity made me scroll down all comments to read.
There is an interesting explanation in the discussion that a gay is a disorder. Kinds of disorders will be higher 3 times for homosexual than heterosexual. It’s surprised me. I thought homosexuality was ‘only’ about how to face and to handle desires and feelings. I thought we might feel something nice for nice guys but for sure we couldn’t feel the same for bad people. It’s simple as it.
I care about young males who I’m with, indeed, as young females. I more than once discussed about gays and homosexual globally in my class in chemistry term. I taught my own young boy since his early age that a male should be tied up with a female. I had never told him that being a gay was wrong. I made my own way to explain my concept by always saying that he had to choose a female as his wife. In additional I might say that God allowed men to have one, two, three, or four females but to have only one was the best way ever. I never said possibility of having a man for him. So in this viewpoint he would think that the right couple for a man be with is a female. 

I do think that being a homosexual is a choice. For example, if I have two men who offer me a love, but I don’t feel the same yet, I may look deeper which I would like being with. For sure if it’s possible I will choose a better nicer cleverer richer one who I’m comfort being with. In case one can’t fulfill my big list I will choose one with the most criteria. It’s simple as it, once again. It’s pretty funny for me if one says being a homosexual isn’t a choice, because he can’t choose whom he wanna be with. 

Have you seen a little boy would like another little boy sexually? I, indeed, have never seen an example in my life. Should we state that little boys have better viewpoint than us, who consider ourselves as adults-mature people with deeper-wider views? I don’t wanna come into such world, anyhow.

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September 30, 2012

General Chemistry (Part 8): Qs - Eelectrochemical Cells

For XII Graders:

Before taking mid test, you would rather to try the following questions. If you have any problems with one of them, you are allowed to ask me whenever and wherever you see me. I attached some links below.

Question 1
Question 2
Question 3

Good luck!

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September 28, 2012

Looking for My Way of Life

Long ago I did what I wanna do even though in the Islamic holy month namely Ramadhan. My brain would guide me in everything. I built my world as I wanted it be. Some people thought I was an atheist, some others thought I was looking for a shit thing. As I’ve been older, suppose been wiser, I’ve studied Islam in all ways as my lifestyle. I’m in love with Islam itself, I love its laws to guide my life. I don’t care about ‘the promised land’ as many people may argue about, I just care how the Islamic laws protect my life in this real world. It shows me the right directions to step on.

Suppose this year will be the last year where I’ll spend new year in my own way. Next years I’ll walk with a true direction in Islamic life style. I’ve found my life in it. I wish I could see a nice one to talk more about everything. Suppose he's one who can lead me in Islamic ways. Although I had spent years with those who I thought could be mine but it was wrong.

The Lord will not give us an easy way to find what we need but once He does His work, our turn to finish the remain. I’ve looked for my life way for long time. The time finally comes, it’s my job to finish what I’ve asked the Lord to give.

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September 30, 2011

General Chemistry (Part 7): Faraday's Laws

For XII level students:
The following questions apply Faraday's laws. You can try doing the questions to check how well you've been in this part. Don't forget to prepare yourselves for 3rd monthly exam. Good luck!

1. Potassium chlorate can be made of potassium chloride based on the following equation:
KCl (aq) + 3 H2O (l) → KClO3 (aq) + 3 H2 (g)
How much electric charge will be consumed to form 1 moles of potassium chlorate?
A. 2 Farad
B. 3 Farad
C. 4 Farad
D. 5 Farad
E. 6 Farad

2. Aqueous copper (II) nitrate is electrolyzed by platinum electrodes and found 12.7 grams of precipitation. What volume of a gas around anode will be produced at STP? (Ar Cu = 63.5)
A. 1.12 liters
B. 2.24 liters
C. 3.36 liters
D. 4.48 liters
E. 5.60 liters

3. Amount of electric charge could precipitate 2.7 grams of aluminum (Ar = 27) from its solution. When the same charge of electric is used for an acidic solution, how much hydrogen gas will be produced at 1 atm and 273K?
A. 2.24 liters
B. 3.36 liters
C. 4.48 liters
D. 5.60 liters
E. 6.72 liters

4. What Farad will be needed to reduce 60 grams of calcium ions to metallic substance? (Ar Ca = 40)
A. 1 Farad
B. 1.5 Farad
C. 2 Farad
D. 3 Farad
E. 4 Farad

5. Diluted silver nitrate is electrolyzed by 2 Amperes of electrolytic current for 10 minutes. What mass of silver will be precipitated on cathode? (Ar Ag = 108, 1 F = 96,500)
A. (96,500 x 20) grams
B. (96,500 x 108 x 20) grams
C. (96,500 x 108 x 200) grams
D. [(108 / 96,500) x 20] grams
E. [(108 / 96,500) x 1,200] grams

6. Equal amount of electricity is flown into two electrolytic cells. The first cell uses carbon and zinc as electrodes in aqueous zinc sulfate while the second cell uses carbon and tin as electrodes in aqueous tin (II) chloride. If found that 13 grams of zinc is precipitated in the first cell, how many grams of tin would be found? (Ar Zn = 65, Sn = 119)
A. 0.9 grams
B. 11.9 grams
C. 18.3 grams
D. 71.0 grams
E. 595 grams

7. An electric current was flown into an electrolytic cell which contains silver ions (Ar Ag = 108) and in time period it precipitates 0.54 grams of silver on cathode. If equal electric current was flown in another solution which contains M2+ (Ar M = 40), what mass of M would be precipitated on cathode?
A. 0.54 grams
B. 0.40 grams
C. 0.27 grams
D. 0.20 grams
E. 0.10 grams

8. In an electrolytic process where used the diluted sulfuric acid, produced 2.24 dm3 of hydrogen gas at STP. If equal amount of electric current is flown for aqueous silver nitrate (Ar Ag = 108), how many grams of silver will be formed on cathode?
A. 2.7 grams
B. 5.4 grams
C. 10.8 grams
D. 21.6 grams
E. 43.2 grams

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September 25, 2011

A Song for Soul

Muslims in the entire world just have been doing fasting (called shaum in Islamic term) in the Holy Month namely Ramadhan. We all hope we can reach grace of God much more after passing the Ramadhan. Two years ago, to remind me to get much closer with the God in every single breath I had, I found a wonderful video by Zain Bhikha, titled Allah Knows. Since the time, I listened and listened to the song just to remind me how lucky I’m with my life. I like Zain’s soft-melodious voice and the way he's singing. Hope you enjoy it....

Allah Knows
When you feel all alone in this world
And there's nobody to count your tears
Just remember, no matter where you are
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road that you take
Allah knows
Allah knows

No matter what, inside or out
There's one thing of which there's no doubt
Allah knows
Allah knows
And whatever lies in the heavens and the earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon, shout it to everyone
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch a glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows
Allah knows

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows
Allah knows

You see we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs, never fret never frown
Allah knows
Allah knows


Every grain of sand,
In every desert land, He knows.
Every shade of palm,
Every closed hand, He knows.
Every sparkling tear,
On every eyelash, He knows.
Every thought I have,
And every word I share, He knows.
Allah knows

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September 20, 2011

General Chemistry (Part 6)

(2nd Partnership Task)

For grade XII students, do the following questions with your partner. Each couple must answer a question. The last submission is September 10, 2010.

Hint: Answer the following questions sharply!
Group IIA: Be – Mg – Ca – Sr – Ba – Ra

1. Solubility of bases from top to down
a) Weak bases:
b) Strong bases:
Compared with bases of Group IA, what is the basic strength of group IIA? are....

2. Reactions with water
a) Be:
b) Mg:
c) Other alkaline earth metals:
d) Reaction between Mg with oxygen (burnt in the air)
Reaction 1:
Reaction 2:

3. General chemical equation between Ca/Sr/Ba with oxygen:

4. It can react with strong bases (Amphoteric)....
Formula of its acid
Formula of its base is....

5. The only one way to produce alkaline earth metals is....

6. Definition of hard water is....
a) Temporary hard water contains....
To remove temporary hard water is....
Example of the reaction of temporary hard water removal....
b) Permanent hard water contains....
The way to remove permanent hard water is....
Example of the reaction of permanent hard water removal....
The hazard of hard water is....

7. Flame color of alkaline earth metals:
Flame color of Be....
Flame color of Mg....
Flame color of Ca....
Flame color of Sr....
Flame color of Ba....
Because of their flame colors, both alkaline metals and alkaline earth metals will be used as....

8. The strength of carbonates from top to down is....
Explanation for this trend is....

9. The strength of nitrates from top to down is....
Explanation for this trend is....

10. Solubility of sulfates from top to down
Explanation for this tend in term lattice energy and enthalpy change of hydration is....

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September 19, 2011

General Chemistry (Part 5)

(1st Partnership Task)

For all level XII students: Choose one problem and answer it by submitting your identity and answer in comment bar. The last submit is September 6, 2010. Your score will be displayed on laboratory wall paper. When a problem has been answered, you must choose another one and submit your second answer for once again. The first answer will not be checked.
Thank you!

1. Flame color of alkaline
Lithium :
Sodium :
Potassium :
Rubidium :
Cesium :

2. Which one is the highest atomic radii?
3. Which one is the largest ionization energy?
4. Which one is the strongest base?
5. Which one does not react with water? Explain your reason for this fact.
6. Write general chemical equation between alkaline with water!
7. a) State general chemical equation between alkaline with hydrogen gas
b) State a reaction between Na with excess oxygen.
What is oxidation number of O in this reaction?
c) State a reaction between Na with limited oxygen.
What is oxidation number of O in this reaction?
d) What are products produced by a reaction between K/Rb/Cs with excess oxygen?
What is oxidation number of O in this reaction?
7. Explain how to prove that alkaline metals are quite reactive!

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February 16, 2011

What Ridiculous (Teachers) They are!

Students say that some teachers at our school act stupid by blaming my kid and give a harder punishment for him for a little fault as other students will get much less punishment for a same fault. Students say it’s because he’s my kid.

My kid grows being a real young man already. He considers it as something un-fair but he thinks to forget it because there are always two types of people – bad and good – even they are teachers. He says: 'I’m so proud of you, mommy, because in students’ eyes, you’re someone who will keep the rules to keep running on a correct track. You smile rarely but when you’re speaking, students will listen to you.'

Though my kid is a young man but he’s not an adult yet. He’s only a kid! He may be wiser than he should be in his age but his heart will be fulfilled negative thoughts for human namely teachers if many – not only one – teachers act un-fair to him. I protect him from negative thoughts by giving him good lessons in my personal life. I ensure that I can’t protect him from others people’ actions even from teachers and even they’re also my fellow teachers.

One day after taking a hard un-fair punishment from a male teacher, he looked sad when he’s home. He then said: 'That’s why I sometimes hate this country. There are so many people do un-fair even for younger people. They’re much older but giving foolish-bad-examples for young people. I wish someday I could take you to other country, mommy. '

I got tears. Not because he’s my kid but because those words came from a kid with his good wishes for his country. I love children because they have bigger heart than many older people should have.


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December 27, 2010

How Silly They Are!

It's about 1st leg of AFF grand final last night. It shows the world how un-fair Malaysia in everything for Indonesias. Honestly Indonesia wants to be the winner but we will never do an un-fair game for all reasons. We respect the committees. We respect the match. We are respectable Indonesians.

FIFA has 'proscribe' laser rays to 'participate' in a football match. In Jakarta and any other cities in Indonesia, the committees of the match will detect supporters by X-ray gate. Even people from the highest crime city in Indonesia, they will come to watch the match, not to break the match.

But what stupid Malaysian supporters at AFF match last night. Some supporters shoot Indonesian players by laser ray. We can understand then why the committees stopped the match and Indonesian players walked out. For that match, we are so proud of being Indonesians. We always proud of our country, Indonesia. We are proud of having Garuda.

By the way, because Indonesia has Garuda in our heart - we so proud of it -, then they proclaimed just now - a couple years ago only - that they have harimau malaya. What stupid it was! Harimau malaya (Panthera tigris malayensis) do not belong to Malaysia. Harimau malaya belonged to more than one country, are Myanmar, Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia historically. But up till today not all Malaysians agree with this symbol. That's why if you check in reliable websites, you will not find the state symbol of Malaysia. What freak they are!

Anyway, I don't like to put something bad in my blog, but the moment at last night really hurts me.
It showed the world how stupid Malaysia!
It showed the world Malaysians will win a game by doing all ways.
Malaysia is really stupid! They spread the hate to the world. That's why we Indonesians will never accept them as our brother because they are not our brother! A real brother will never hate his brother, however.


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September 17, 2010

E-Education Festival 2010

Indonesian government declared that ten regions would hold on an E-education festival in 2010. In South Sumatera it will be held on September 23-25, 2010. From the website of South Sumatera Education Department, there are five programs are going to run in the festival, as follow:
1. Learning presentation media competition based on IT which can be participated by teachers of all subjects
2. Teacher’s blog award for teachers who manage their blogs as one way of interacting with their students in learning their subject
3. School website award for school
4. Three teachers of each school to participate in a e-education seminar
5. IT products exhibition which can be participated by school
To participate in these programs, each school or participants who recommended by principal can apply here. Don't be late, guys!


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August 26, 2010

I'm Back, Guys!

After five months leaving this blog, I'm back.
No need a perfect reason to come back here but the writing desire, the readers attention, and the school activities calling me to be here.
I know I will not have so much time to write another new post, so I may rarely check this blog but all comments are allowed to put any time.

Anyway, I'd love sharing my wonderful times as a personal, a teacher, a mommy of a young cute man, or even a woman with her feelings.

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February 25, 2010

Good Bye, All....

For healthy reason and another millions reasons, I’ve decided to stop writing for this blog. I just wanna thank to all friends and readers who have spent time to read my posts.
And please, give me apologize if any words or posts here are less sweet or even too bitter for readers or any other parties. What I’ve written are only my experiences or personal opinions without a bad purpose to hit somebody.

I don’t decide yet when I’ll be back or if I’ll be back. I just wanna close the struggling door that I’ve opened but its exit will never appear. My daddy said I was his lovely little girl. Without him, I’m not that lovely.

I feel so tired inside. Seems I need a long rest.
Bye everyone. Thanks for all.

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U’re foolish creature. U never do something right. U’re just an outsider for everyone. U’re nothing, u know that, dirty chicken? U need a big mirror to take a look your shadow and your face on it. U’ll know how unshaped-weak-skinny-body u have. U’ll know how moron u are. U’ll know u’re nobody. U might be the best graduated student but u’re shit in my asshole, old bitch!

Mr. X dug a huge hole in my head for more than eleven years and he got to grow my mindset as what he wanted. I didn’t dare to meet people for years. I had smile rarely for years. I got away from mirror. I hid myself in the closet for years. I just went out for a work, or with my little son. I didn’t look at people’s eyes when talking to them or walking around but just looking at my toes. I just knew I was nobody. I could be the best student at elementary until senior high school, I could be the best graduated student at my faculty, I could be one of 20 people who got the president scholarship in my country, but all were luck. Even though my IQ was 148 I was so stupid in life. I actually knew that I was nobody.

I later tried to build my self confidence. When I almost got it back, somebody else just proved me that all of Mr. X’ words are true. I know now that Mr. X is the winner. He will be always the winner and he will be the right endorse on my life. I know it now. I swear I do know it now. I can understand now why Mr. X always laughed at me. I can understand now why I always did wrong things in my past.
It’s because of the only one reason. Because… I’m nobody. I’m nothing.

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February 23, 2010

Be A Real Man

Thanks God to trust me to take care of a young man on my hands but happiness isn’t enough to take care of him. He’s my lovely son. I have a lot of dreams about him. I want him to be a real man, but cannot teach him how to be a real man as I’m not a man and no any man in my personal life since long years ago.

Without a guy by my side, I know it ain't something easy for him to get a man’s figure for a good example. Unlucky me, my male friends have different suggestion about being a real man. When I ask how a real man should treat a woman, one opinion will against another one. It confuses me.

My son says not too worry him because he can handle himself. As a mommy, I want him get the best. Son said one day: mommy, please take another guy and let him to teach me to be a real guy.
The second un-luck, my lovely guy is nowhere :)

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February 18, 2010

Thanks God, I'm Pregnant

My belly bulges. I even felt sick in the morning. I did not feel well but still tried to be cheerful. I just wanna raise positive attitudes for my baby.

There's no food are delicious. All are no taste on my tongue, although a chocolate is bitter to bite. But I do not want to give up. I'll eat good food for the growing small baby in my womb.

How proud I am exposing my stomach growing. Almost every time I hand over my stomach skin, hoping the tiny feeling of my love sweep. I want to pour as much as love I can give my baby.

My body felt so sore. A pillow was on top of my stomach. I tried rubbing, but the stomach was flat as usual. There was no pulse of a tiny. Ukh, I just had dreamt being pregnant!

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January 26, 2010

Just Wished I Could Sleep Till the Sun Burnt

I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.

Have you ever felt your heart is empty though you have filled it with a number of a book’s pages?
You’re in crowded but you’re feeling so lonely. People speak but you can’t hear their voices. When you can hear them, theirs just make you sick. You rub their skin but you can’t feel their warm. When their eyes stare at you, you get freezing. When you do your spouse, you get ice covers your shaft. You try to escape but no a way out. You try to run as far as you can but your feet just step on a same hell.

I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.

Have you ever checked your mail box over and over just to see if you can find an e-mail which will never been sent to you?
You browse internet and hit a number of websites but you don’t understand even a word till you realize the pages end already.
Have you ever got your brain is full as you are thinking nothing?
You wanna arrange a statement but your loaded brain makes you to stop thinking. Your eyes shed a tear when TV broadcasts a comedy. You then blame yourself why you can’t see the heroic side of superman.

What will you do after you get yourself is still being in such situation?
Smoking? Being a drunker? Having wild sex? Driving high speed? Taking a pilgrim? Screaming loudly? Yelling others?
What will you do?

I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.

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December 16, 2009

A Sunk Love Will Never Break My Heart

I know a blog ain’t a good place to share personal stuffs but I sometimes use it. At least here. Once I upload a post on my blog, I don’t mind people out there, whoever they are, to read the posts. I know some friends do.
And now is time to put a personal stuff once again. It’s better not to do but I just wanna cool my heart down.

Here the case is. I had agreed to make a commitment with someone out there. As I thought that he’s a right guy who might help me some, but then I realized there's a huge problem. There’s no a love included from my side.  One thing that I do know is I will never be those in between a relationship, although for a help.

Although a commitment I might have with someone, I would be logic for rest. At least, it's not fair for him. Why should he give too much as a friend? We all are decent to get a better life because everybody deserves to choose. Because I respect everybody so I shouldn't ask much from anybody. I wanna shout for the entire world that I do have a love but I just can't feel it now. Now I know that I shouldn't  intrude everything to be what I wanna be. It’s so hard to say but it’s true.

Just need more time to wipe off my son’s tears but everybody will never see tears drop from my dark brown eyes.

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December 14, 2009


I thought I’d chosen a good decision not to connect onto internet for a chat but news, browsing or e-mails. I thought I won the game. Later seemed I was just a looser who been totally home alone, stared at TV but watched nothing. As my son has been growing up without I do realize it, he asks me not to go around but he will buy everything I need while I’m ‘taking care’ home. As I have a problem with real spaces, it’s so hard to go around except for very important needs. I then realized that I knew nothing about town I’m settled in.

Months after the ‘good’ decision, I came for a chat again for someone. Today because everything is under uncontrolled, talking to friends by messenger is the only one choice. But honestly after a long night passed by, there’s something inside heart I’ll feel which I can’t explain by words. Something is like a big hole in my heart that needs to be repaired. Something is like a big hole that needs to fill up.

No wonder why TV arranges 'Take Me Out' to people who looking for their couples because this world has been narrower in its real meaning. By internet, people may talk to their friends but most are un-touched-invisible persons. Real friends around are only working mates with who people may share about work’s ways but hide personal stories. There’s a part of the heart which needs to be touched with a true feeling in a real life.

More times the one spends alone, more he traps himself to look for someone called a true friend. Years I used to be alone but never been lonely but now I’m thinking different. Older I’m softer my heart more careful my steps but the need of a true friend is sometimes still there.

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October 22, 2009

General Chemistry (Part 4): Salts Hydrolysis

1) What is definition of:
a) Salts hydrolysis
b) Partial hydrolysis
c) Total hydrolysis

2) State the type hydrolysis and the properties of the following salts and then :
a) KCl
b) MgBr2
c) SrCl2
d) AlBr3
e) FeSO4
f) Ca(CH3COO)2
g) NaCN
h) (NH4)2S
i) (NH4)2SO4

3) Explain how MgCl2 will show acidic properties when it dissolved in water.

4) Which salt will take the total hydrolysis?
A. NaCl

5) Which salt will have pH above 7 if dissolved in water?
D. (NH4)2SO4
E. FeSO4

6) Which salt will have acidic properties?
A. NaCl
B. NH4Cl
C. CaCl2
D. BaSO4
E. Na2SO4

7) Which salt will be acidic?
A. Potassium acetate
B. Sodium acetate
C. Sodium chloride
D. Ammonium acetate
E. Ammonium chloride

8) Which salt will not be hydrolyzed?
C. NH4Cl
D. MgSO4

9) Which solution will produce the partial salt hydrolysis and basic if the number of mole of the reagents is equivalent?
A. HCl and NaOH
B. NH3 and CH3COOH
C. H2SO4 and NH3
E. HCl and NH3

10) If the reagent of the following solutions is 1 M, which solution will have the highest pH?
A. HCl dan NaOH
B. HCl dan NH3
C. CH3COOH dan NH3
E. H2SO4 dan NH3

11) Which couple solution will produce the hydrolyzed salt?
A. 100 ml NH3 (aq) 0,1 M + 100 ml H2SO4 0,1 M
B. 50 ml HCN 0,1 M + 50 ml KOH 0,05 M
C. 200 ml CH3COOH 0,05 M + 200 ml Ca(OH)2 0,05 M
D. 10 ml HCl 0,1 M + 20 ml NH3 (aq) 0,05 M
E. 50 ml KOH 0,2 M + 50 ml HCN 0,1 M

12) Which salt formula will be hydrolyzed as below?
CN– (aq) + H2O (l) HCN (aq) + OH– (aq)
C. Mg(CN)2
E. Fe(CN)3


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October 12, 2009

Is Indonesia Safe from Terrorists?

Beginning with the death of the florist in the terror bombing at the Marriot hotel, Ibrohim, after the firefight for seventeen hours, the search for traces’ Nurdin M. Top, a Malaysian terrorist and also the leader of Al-Qaeda in Southeast Asia, who had devastated the beautiful Indonesia, began to show a bright note. He and his cronies had spread terror, put a bomb in public spaces, especially the places visited by many foreigners, especially most Americans.

Nurdin's death in the bathroom of a house in a small village in Solo, Central Java ended up policemen’s long search for the number one terrorist. Indonesian police detachment of anti terror is called Densus 88. It’s then followed by the shooting of his accomplices. One of them is Syafruddin Zuhri, who is suspected as the second guy of their network was shot dead after a fight by throwing the pipe bombs at police.

For a very small part of Indonesians, they are heroes who intend to end the dirty work of America across the world. Indonesia is being the chosen place because the population’s majority of this country is Muslims. That way, the chaos in Indonesia would be a great homework for the interested world. Arab countries certainly very concerned about security in Indonesia to raise the image of Islam to the international world. For Western countries, America for example, Indonesia plays an important role to neutralize the world’s negative view. By a good cooperation with this country will give a positive image of Islamic countries against them. Again, the reason being this is the majority of the Muslims population of this country.

But for most Indonesians, Nurdin and his cronies are just terrorists who tarnish the Islamic face and humiliate Muslims.

My Personal View

I do hate violence, in whatever form and to anyone. Killing other people even with an acceptable reason for feeling is very difficult for me to take it as a good deed. Moreover, if the killings were perpetrated against the people who knew nothing of the matter or may even support what he was fighting for the killers. Although the reason for their version of jihad, a person who kills another person will always be called a murderer, except to kill the opponents in a war. Of course it's something different, however.

Their ideology on behalf of Islam and jihad as an excuse to kill someone else, certainly it’s very opposite of my understanding of jihad. According to the Islamic Jihad which I understand is struggling in the way of God to uphold Islam. This struggle does not mean that according to Islam are allowed to kill anyone, let alone the reasons for differences of religion and the Shari'a.

Sometimes I think, if their purpose is to kill Americans, why they did not come just to America? Would not be much more the American people can be 'sacrificed' for their 'struggle'? Would not it be immediately attract attention around the world?

To Indonesians Who Have Same Vision with Nurdin and His Accomplices

To people who have same vision with Nurdin and his cronies, why you're too cowardly to face the enemy you want the most? Do you know how Islam hates the cowards, don't you? If you asked me if they're terrorists or heroes in my eyes, I will firmly answer: they are big loser terrorists!

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October 6, 2009

I Just Graduated!

Wow, months without internet connection for fun but just for downloading hundreds journals, e-books, or any other resources, but paid cash finally! I was just graduated from petrochemical engineering master program. It’s The Indonesian President Scholarship Program. I was lucky to get one. To thank him, I put his name in the first list. In paper, I wrote this:

This paper is dedicated to the true supporters in my life:
- Mom and Dad
- Dyer Patriocta P.M.
- My sisters, big brother and their family

I’d like to put the abstract of my thesis here. The title of my paper is CFD Modeling to Study Hydrodynamics of Fluid-Solid in Batch Scaled-Autoclave.

The earliest process of coal liquefaction is the mixing of coal, solvent, and appropriate catalyst with hydrogen in a liquefaction reactor. A few numbers of Indonesian experts have done the numbers of lab-scaled experiments of local coal liquefaction which generally used Batch scaled-autoclave reactors.

This paper aimed to study hydrodynamics of fluid-solid mixing as the earliest step of coal liquefaction. To model and to simulate the mixing has been used Fluent 6.3 software and GAMBIT of Computational Fluid Dynamics (CFD) package. This paper runs the modeling in various coal sizes and running time. This model uses 75 micrometer and 250 micrometer of coal sizes, heavy oil as the solvent and alpha-limonite as the catalyst while the running times are 0 – 60 minutes.

The simulation results show that both the size of coal feeds and the mixing time influence both coal and solvent distributions but do not influence velocity magnitude of coal and pressure drop of the mixture in perfect mixing. Since a little number of catalyst used, hydrodynamics of catalyst can not be observed, however.

Keywords: autoclave, brown coal, CFD, coal, coal liquefaction, Fluent.

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May 27, 2009

The Sweetest B-day Gift

Every one must have a birthday gift. It might come at first birthday, at teens’ birthday, or even at older times. A birthday gift could be so expensive but it might not be sold as a special gift at any stores. A sweet kiss from our parents at young age, indeed, was a very special gift which been impossible bought anywhere.

I had the sweetest birthday gift this year. And its unique part was it was sent to me at 1st as my birthday was 8th May. The sender said he might forget my special date when it came, so he needed to send it much earlier. He’s also worried me not to check my mail box at birthday (He should choose other reasons, right????).

It was sweeter because it’s recorded specially just for me :) And the words are so sweet. To appreciate what he has made for me, I’ve been using my birthday gift as SMS ringtone in my cell phone.

Why was it so special? After reading his words below, I’m sure you will agree with me that it’s very special.

‘Hello, Hon. I just want to say happy birthday. I wish I could be there and da… I do love you…. Love you. Happy birthday!’

PS: I published this post after D-Day for a reason that I can’t take too much birthday gifts (hahahahahaha….)

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March 24, 2009

My Teenager

I got permission from my son to write about him and also to publish it here. He’s a teen, however. Being a mommy for teens isn’t something easy especially when you’re alone to take care of them. Lucky me (or unlucky?), I just have one with me. At least I just need to separate my attention for less fields, are him, works, household, and the last one is me myself.

He grew up so fast. But I still remember when I picked him to his playgroup’s class. I can remember how I couldn’t recognize him when we met in the street while I was thinking how poor a mom who had that kid. Though I served his uniform so clean, but then he played ‘soccer’ with his friends at school and he was back home as 'a soccer player' plus spotted brown everywhere on his uniform. If he didn’t call me, I would pass him over.

His name is Dyer. He’s 15 years old now. Sometimes this young man surprises me. He looks like a mature guy in words. But all I know from his statements is he loves me much.

A couple days ago he told me that some of his male friends talked to him about me and our relationship. It’s about how close we’re.
‘You may mind if I get close with your mommy but I do that with my own mommy. Why should you mind?’ he argued them.
He said that he would kiss me and he didn’t care if his male friends were around. I said it would be okay for me if he couldn’t give me a soft kiss on my cheeks in front of his friends, but he told me that he’s fine with it. Of course I like having his little kiss on my cheeks or lips :)
Last two weeks, I bought him an electric bass after a long month he persuaded me. As I know he loves music so much and he can play some instruments by learning them by himself, and he just has an old-dissatisfied guitar, so it’s a good time to praise him. I could see how bright his eyes, how nice his smile to show how happy his heart inside when he sufficiently had the electric bass.

Nobody has learnt how to be a good parent, nor me. I may not a perfect mommy for my son. But all that I do for him are ones we think good things or even the best for him. They might be not seen too well for him at that time but for his future. I love my teenager and pray for his best life.

If you’re parents of a teen or teens, you can understand how much this love. If you’re a son or a daughter, you will know how much your parents love you.

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March 13, 2009

Indonesian Language (Part 2): The Arrangement

1) The arrangement of Indonesian language

There's a little difference between English and Indonesian language arrangements.

For examples:
Pretty = cantik
Girl = gadis
Pretty girl = gadis cantik (not ‘cantik gadis’)

Dream = mimpi
Buruk = bad
Bad dream = mimpi buruk (not ‘buruk mimpi’)

2) Singular and plural

To change singular words into plural ones we just need to repeat the word. But singular and plural words sometimes have same words, no need to add other letters.

A woman = wanita, seorang wanita
The women = wanita-wanita
A cat = kucing, seekor kucing
The cats = kucing-kucing
A boat = kapal
Boats = kapal-kapal

She has one handbag = dia punya satu tas tangan
She has some handbags = dia punya beberapa tas tangan
Handbag = tas tangan

Kupu-kupu = butterfly, butterflies (not ‘kupu’ = butterfly and ‘kupu-kupu’ = butterflies)
Kura-kura = turtle, turtles (not 'kura' = turtle or 'kura-kura' = turtles)

1) Same words or statements but different meanings
Be careful when use Indonesian language because there are so many words or statements will have same spelling or even letters but the meanings are actually different, indeed.

a) Saya sakit hati = My heart hurts/I have liver attack
Hati = liver, heart
Saya = I, mine, my
Sakit = sick, ill

As Indonesian language will double a word to mention plural, we can't say 'some livers' as 'hati-hati' because ‘hati-hati’ means ‘be careful’ or ‘take care’.

b) Tahu itu? = do you know that?/is that the tahu, isn’t it?
Tahu = know, a name of kinda traditional Indonesian/Chinese food
(The second question using when a person is asking you if it’s a certain food u mean or want for).

2) Similar words
Say ‘kepala saya pusing’ to make your friend knows what kinda sick you’re having, but don’t say ‘ kelapa saya pusing’.
Kepala = head, boss
Kelapa = coconut

Some Indonesian words honestly have made me confused to distinguish them because all letters are same, they look same in way of writing (just different one place of letter each other) and when we spell them fast, seems we're hearing same words.

Be careful when people say ‘besok’ (besok = tomorrow).
A western was waiting for his Indonesian friend because the Indonesian man had promised him to see him tomorrow. The Indonesian said ‘sampai ketemu besok.’ (see you tomorrow). He didn’t mean he would meet him tomorrow but he might express next week, next year, some time or if they might meet each other some other day.

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January 30, 2009

It F**ked Me Off!

I laugh at people who suggesting me that I should be with someone at home. A good friend told me that she worried me when she thought of me as I was always alone and she also suggested me to find someone to be my companion. I once again laughed at her. I said that I was okay being alone because I never felt lonely or even needed someone just for sharing. I explained her that I had a couple of friends out there who would like sharing with me when I needed people to share with. I said that I had someone out there. Just because he’s so far away making him couldn’t be with me at happy or even sad times.

But yesterday I had a spent little time thinking that I needed a companion. While I was getting a horrible 'maag' (heartburnt, a kinda horrible stomachache) and I couldn’t get up even for one inch, I got tears. The tears ain’t for the horrible sickness but for a hate of being alone. I just lied on floor when it was immediately attacking me. I could stand on my hands to take the pills but the problem was I couldn’t stand on my feet or even my knees. I needed someone to help me to take my pills in the cupboard. The worst was I had no someone else but me myself! Oh yeah, I had someone who was singing for giving me a good companion but he couldn’t give me a favor at all. He just sang on my laptop’s screen as I smiled thinking I had him at that time. Oh, my guy!

I then sent two texts for someone out there. It was delivered but no a reply. I sent the second texts and I just got sucked. He might not get my texts or he didn’t have minutes to reply me. I did not know. I then forwarded some other texts to some other friends and two texts for my good friend. One text was sent to my mom –the way I didn’t use to do when I got a problem or even a sickness – got replied so fast but I was sad receiving it. She told me that I should lick some honey from my fingers but she knew that I forgot doing that treatment. And she got mad then. She and another friend called me three times but I didn’t pick them up because I had been standing on horrible stomachache.

Other reliefs from friends which raised me up were:
'Still get it?' (funny...! I received this text when I was at the most terrible time!)
'You’re not alone, honey, you have son and me.'
'Maag? What is that? Yes I know how much hard 2b live alone I wish to give you company.'
For the last reply, I knew that he was confused what 'maag' meant hehehehe... it's Indonesian version. I got laughed so loud.
After all passed, I could take that I was alone and that's fine for sure :)
The sad part was he wasn’t with me when I needed him. This fact actually f*cked me off.

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January 15, 2009

This Blog Has Been Blocked at School Area!

My students nowadays can't browse this blog anymore using school's net connection because it's blocked at school area. The last post which they may read is an article posted on October 16, 2008 title 'What S*ck!' When a student helped me to check the blocker, it's the server of our school and no reason been explained over there. It just wrote: htt://blogwyd.blogspot is blocked and you are not allowed to visit the website. But if visitors use the third party, such as Google or Yahoo search, they can still read all posts. I mean people can search the newest posts if they type the title of the posts or keywords but how they can do that as they don't know what kinda article I've posted! When I tried to google the title, it worked, but it would go nowhere except the un-banned posts when I clicked the forehead of the blog.

Why Is It Blocked?

I can't believe it if one or more students flagged this blog or even reported it as a spam. They liked to read it because I posted all articles using simple English and that way they used to learn English. And for all international students, how they can answer the problems I put over there if they can't check it at school area? I sometimes use my blog to put some questions and ask students to answer when they have time but the questions aren't their homework or even their task. It's the way to let students explore internet plus get something useful, in my opinion.

I sufficiently can't believe it if the reason to block this blog is because of some naughty words here. Yes, I used some naughty or even bad words here, such as f*ck, God d*mn it, s*ck, p*rn, *ss, etc. but all had good relations with whole articles. No any case where I use such bad words just to let others, readers in this case, get negative pleasure. Not at all! Never!

Being a blogger is one of my ways to explode my mind or I gonna get stress because of too much work pressure. And this blog is the only one English blog which school management can report to the central team of RSBI as the net connection between teachers and students of international program. And the school then got A score in the final report.

For whoever has done such bad way, I do need to remind him/her or even they're more than one person, please check all articles here and don't let your own ears to hear what you yourselves can't understand. Just read all what I've posted and you'll know that I've written the facts of our school and nobody will say I've put a lie even a word over there. All are the facts. Almost all words had been explained by me myself in school's meetings as I didn't use to just say something bad behind people's face.

Play a fair game with me, please!


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January 13, 2009

Am I Too Bad?

These all were what I said and asked in a teachers’ meeting of our school management. The background was our principal’s commitment. Almost all teachers and students said that he didn’t have a good commitment to run management of our school. As I wrote in ‘Does He Hide Something?’, he had left some good programs of our school which had been our icons since the school built, and it affected most of us.

Soon the meeting was being ‘hot’ in the real meaning of hot. We felt that we’re sitting on the fire. He acted as he didn’t know something and kept running his long explanation but it really explained nothing. Soon later the meeting began a war field where the principal wanted international teachers (five teachers) would be paid as much as regular teachers but he asked the five teachers to do three-four times harder of job than other regular teachers for the school’s sake. But students of the international classes have to pay double tuition because they’re studying in international classes. Everyone knows that an international class isn’t cheap to run on! He reported for the monitoring team that the international students had to pay much because the spent money was used for paying international teachers as the teachers had been paid double than regular ones. It’s not fair at all, of course! I and four other teachers who teach Cambridge curriculum for international classes were thinking that we’re throwing into a hot fire. But I think the principal won’t know what others want from him if nobody will explain it all to him. So I did!

"Thanks for giving me a chance.
As you and all have known about me so well, I won’t blame you behind but I’ll tell you my thoughts and even it’s a bitter one to say I’ll say. Since I took my seat and heard what you said, I think there’s no any explanation from you, though you had spoken too long and too much but you didn’t answer one question yet. So I think I need to use the straight words to make you clear and I hope that I and we all here will get a good answer from you later. We do need an explanation to answer parents' questions about our programs.

You always used international class to ask parents of international students pay more. You presented how good international teachers we had in this school and for that reason, parents didn’t mind to double tuition of their kids. And you always said to their parents that the school doubled salary of international teachers. I had discussed with other four teachers and as I’m a home teacher of XI grade of the international class I’ll run the following statements and questions and they’re our statements and questions, not mine.

We five don’t mind not to be paid double or if the school has no enough money to pay us, we’d love being volunteers for the students and this country. But the school and you as the top leader of the school asked parents to pay more than any parents of regular students. And the problem then is you explained parents why they had to pay more. The only reason is because this school has to pay more international teachers. We five don’t mind not to be paid more if students don’t pay more. We five don’t mind you pay us as much as other regular teachers but you don’t ask our international students to pay more than regular students. If they pay more we get more. If they pay more but you pay us as much as other regular teachers, you can’t ask five of us to give more than others. We will give what others give for the school if you value us in salary as much as others in the case the international students have to pay more.

And I wanna tell you all about another one. Students said that I’m a very good mask for you because I’m always ready to fight for you when students try to take you down. But now I have a big question for myself if I have done a right way for students and their parents? Do I have to think once again if the one I’m ready to fight for is a real good one to fight for? Because if we try to be honest for ourselves, we will see that we had run this school by a wrong way. Why do I say so? Because so many good programs are in memoriam today!

Didn’t you ever hear when you’re going around that people out there said many bad things about our school? We’re running an excellent school in this province, we’re running a prestigious school for people in South Sumatera, we’re running one of the best national school in this country, but what we have today? Will we let this excellent school just to be a good memory of people’s mind?

I have a good statement taken from my daddy’s word and I’ll share it for you all here as I’ve kept the word to take my life way. Hope it will be also a good one for you all. My daddy said that if you do something wrong, I'm gonna kick your ass not because I hate you but because of my love for you.
And you know, Sir, it’s what I’m doing for you now in this meeting.

I sufficiently know that my words weren’t nice enough to be listened to, but I hope your main tree is same with mine and you can understand why I do this all for you. Thank you."

I needed more than 10 minutes to blow the all words out of my head. When I was saying those all, everybody said nothing and just listened to me. Almost all teachers then said that I told the audience what they wanna say but they couldn’t say those all because they didn’t know how to say, they didn’t know which words they should choose.

Can you suggest me something why the principal still couldn’t give us the answer after I explained him and audience by those all blunt words? Is he too slow-witted to understand?

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January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

Wish you all happy new year!
What's your good plan to fill full this new year?
I have some, at least three here.

I wish I could finish my master program in perfect time with good score. Seems I'm tired enough with the program and it's really hard to spend such time.

I wish I would be a good mommy for my kids, especially my own son. I think I'm sometimes unfair for him as I wanna see he can take what I could in my young age. But we both actually are different persons. Wish i could be with him as long as possible.

I wish I could meet someone in his place. Wish it's not just a short visit but a real long term relationship. I know -as I wrote in What A Surprise, it's for him- it's not something easy to have a real life with him because of our faith. But once he's ready for everything I will.

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December 16, 2008

What A Surprise!

Yeah, it surprised me much. He phoned me at one night just to say that he loved me. It shouldn’t surprise me too much because the love words are common words to tell how someone loves his/her partner. But he never said it using that way. I mean we might talk to each other by phones but it’s just a talk. He might say ‘I love you’ to end conversation up. Though I know his feeling well as he knows he will not get it back, there’s no reason to phone me just to say that feeling because I’m talking about the cost. If one of us phones another one, it will cost high spend. I took the risk for that high cost as it would ask him much more than if I did it. Americans used to be asked a charge for anything as Indonesian people used to take any free charge for any fields :)

I don’t know what reasons of my son to leave this country as he before ignored to take that way. I’m ready for everything but time ain't convenience for us today. If it would be a true moment one day, the firsts I must prepare are my son to be ready living around new people and list all nice things of our daily life here which we should forget. My parents taught us to love all lands of God. Every land belongs to Allah, and He will take care of us if we rely on Him in anything, anywhere and anytime.

But some friends have been acting unfair for this relationship. They reminded me to think millions before coming to him. The first important thing for the new life is about faith. I just know that I need to go somewhere and I trust him in any ways he has been doing for me.

I today will have nice smiles if I think of a new place. I’m not even a good dreamer but I don’t mind to dream about our new life. Suppose it can help me some....


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December 2, 2008

Does He Hide Something?!

I’m hopeless in any program of my school. It’s not because I’ve been changing to run my work but the only one reason is because the principal can’t work as a good leader for us all. It’s not just what I’m thinking about but it’s the fact which has been happening at our school. Say that I’m a workaholic and not all people can take what I can take. But here at our school there are many programs which leave us behind and we just have a nice memory about them all. We didn’t teach on Saturday since we had an art and sport Saturday where students might balance their right-left brain. We had subjects’ clinic where low students could ask and study more out of their subject’s times. We had scheduled times for Olympiad teams, around chemistry, physics, mathematics, biology, information and technology, and social science. We would gather to read Quran before we start studying at morning. But they all are in memoriam nowadays.

I don’t care how much money the principal will take from our school as long as he still runs old good programs. But I can see no good programs still run on nowadays and the international program has been stuck. I and three-four other teachers asked him at our last meeting we had about all programs. I personally asked him by soft, polite and even rude words but we all just got big nothing. I asked him if he had been hiding something from us. I asked him if I still could proud of him as I did before. I asked him what we should answer when students or even their parents asked us all about their program but he had just played a game with us all and answered no questions. He just gave us his big smile while saying I was a good teacher who had fight for him for the sake of school. Almost all teachers gave up then and I was so hopeless with his commitment doing the best for school.

I’m asking me myself what he has been doing. Does he lie to us? What has he been hiding actually? Has he handful so much money from school for himself and that’s why he couldn’t pay teachers to run those programs? How could he write a bad report as his background is an economic field? How could he write certain number of the expensed money for a program on Wednesday report but used other different number for same case on Friday report but they all were reporting as a same annual report?

I won’t let anybody to throw shit at my students’ face for any reasons. I won’t regret to face such bad people who lie to my students as I teach them to be honest. I don’t care who he is even he’s the Indonesian president, if he lies to my students and throw shit at their face, I do don’t mind to fight with. I’m not a nice volunteer for everything but I do love my students and I will protect them from taking such bad things at school.

God knows what he has been doing and He will give what he should get.


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November 11, 2008

Love You, Axl!

I had been sad for weeks. But not today! Because of a perfect reason. Just because of the most perfect guy in this planet.
No one else but Axl! It’s because his kindness to release his new album, Chinese Democracy.
Oh God, I was almost crazy for about fourteen years to see it.

After spending worried years with his long arguments not to realease the album, after thinking he would never did it, he broke up all worries and gave a bitter smile on lips of Guns and Roses' haters.

After spending worried years, because of a love for fanatic fans, haters, old and new big fans, and everybody in the world, Axl is kind enough to share his great album. He knows there are so many big fans who still want him to sing and wanna rock this world with him to be a 'better' place. He proved that Axl . never gone. He proved to the world that Guns and Roses is still a top gun! Thanks for Chinese Democracy! The world doesn’t need to wait China will be a democracy country or you’ve been working Chineses up to proclaim their democracy.

Rock forever for live and mankind! I could be a 'rocket queen' in this d*mned world with a rocked love inside.... Love Axl!

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October 16, 2008

What S*ck!

This post is for everyone who may try to contact me. This post is also for all friends, my bosses, my clients, and everyone who comes over here. I may be not here for long time after writing this post. I don't know when I may come back here.

Many people say I'm a strong woman. But they are really wrong!
Just thinking life isn't really fair for me. I hate crying but I'm doing....

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September 16, 2008

Are u in Love?

Ten signals to measure if you may be in love....

1) You miss someone but you actually have no any reasons to miss him/her.
2) You wanna meet someone but you just have left him/her less than 15 minutes ago.
3) You wanna hear his/her voice but you actually just talked to him/her less than 15 minutes ago.
4) He/she is so amazing in your eyes but others say his/her score is just about standard score or lower.
5) You are always thinking that his/her words are nice even when he/she is getting angry with people.
6) You are always thinking that he/she acts something cool even he/she looks like a bad clown for others.
7) He/she looks down on the one but you think he's doing the best way.
8) He/she just has standard figure but you think he/she is sexy.
9) You will feel sexy when you're with him/her.
10) You wanna spend more time with him/her and hope the time will never end.

So... are you in love now?
If you answer yes, it's time for you to tell him/her what is your true feeling.
If you answer no, dont worry... many good men/women out there who are waiting for your love. Find one (at least. huh?! ) for you!

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September 11, 2008

Indonesian Language (Part 1): How to Spell?

Bahasa Indonesia or Indonesian language unites the over 250 millions people with more than 400 kinda regional dialects or even distinct languages. Learning Indonesian language ain’t something hard. Here I’ll introduce you to Indonesian language and how to spell words using general audience. There are some key points which will be so easy to learn.

1) Each letter has special sound and it won’t be same with others. I’ll write how to spell each letter and you may compare it when you spell certain words in English.
For example:
A = cut, nut, month.
It means we can spell ‘A’ as we spell ‘u’ for ‘cut’ or ‘nut’ or ‘o’ in ‘month’.
I = ink, hint, bee, etc.
U = foot, soon, moon, etc.
E = check, send, earth, etc.
O = joy, toy, obey, etc.

The following consonants are important consonants which may distinguish them with English version as the rest are same.
C = chuck, child, chart, etc. (don’t spell ‘C’ as we spell ‘C’ in cute, case, cell, certain, etc.).
G = grant, good, game, etc. (don’t ever spell ‘G’ as we spell ‘G’ in giant, gee, gentle, etc.).
K = key, kidney, kidding, etc.
R = rare, rule, ring, etc. (use a harder tension for ‘R’ in Indonesian than English).

The all rules will realize all words in Indonesian language.

2) A word generally needs a vocal between two consonants. We’ll find rarely a word has three or more consonants or a word consists of one tension as we easily find them in English, such as words above (cut, nut, month, ink, etc.). Words in Indonesian language needs two tensions, at least.
For examples:
Meja (me-ja) = table
Kaki (ka-ki) = foot
Gigi (gi-gi) = tooth
Duduk (du-duk) = sit
Sakit (sa-kit) = pain, sick
Bahaya (ba-ha-ya) = dangerous
Menjahit (men-ja-hit) = sew
Kelakuan (ke-la-ku-an) = behavior, attitude

Have fun with Indonesian language!

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September 8, 2008

General Chemistry (Part 3): Thermochemistry

For all students of XI grade, read the following questions carefully, choose one question, give your answer here but once the question has been answered, right or wrong, you can not answer it. Just write a final answer, you don't need to write stepwise. For the last five answers, you may change your answer twice, if the first answer is false.

1) What is thermochemistry exactly?

2) Why do we learn thermochemistry?

3) Give 2 examples of thermochemistry applications in daily life.

4) State a thermochemical equation if ammonium chromate (solid) formation releases 1806.7 kJ/mole of energy.

5) 130 grams acetylene (C2H2) can raise 20 liters of water from 200C to 1000C. Calculate enthalpy change of water and state its thermochemical equation if known density of water = 1 gr/ml and heat capacity of water = 1 J/gr.0C.

6) Known the enthalpy change of ethylene and ethane formations in the manner are 51,8 kJ and 64,4 kJ, what heat will be released by ethylene produces ethane?

7) By using bond energy data in your text book, calculate how much heat will be included to react ethylene and chlorine form ethyl chloride and chloric acid? Please write the bond energy of each substance.

8) Known the following thermochemical equations:
XO2 + CO -® XO + CO2 DH = - 20 kJ
X3O4 + CO -® 3 XO + CO2 DH = + 6 kJ
3 X2O3 + CO -® 2 X3O4 + CO2 DH = - 12 kJ
Calculate the enthalpy change for the following equation:
2 XO2 + CO -® X2O3 + CO2

9) Explain latent heat and sensible heat.

10) What is 1 Btu (British Thermal Unit)? Calculate the number of joules in 1 Btu of heat.

11) What does Hess' Law state and give one example to explain your answer (you may use an example from daily life or even everywhere).

12) The natural gas in methane reacts with oxygen to give carbon dioxide and water. Calculate the heat given off when 0.010 mole of methane reacts with excess oxygen in a bomb calorimeter if the temperature of 1.00 kilogram of water in the bath surrounding the bomb increases by 1.918 0C.

13) How do we measure the enthalpy of a reaction? Explain your answer sharply.

14) What are differences between an exothermic reaction and an endothermic reaction?

15) If a reaction can not go spontaneously what you will do? Explain your answer by giving an example of each way.

16) Predict which of the following substances should have an enthalpy of formation equal to zero:
(a) Hg (l)
(b) Br2 (g)
(c) H (g)
Give your reason.

17) What value of heat will be included in the following blank enthalpy change?

18) How much heat is given off when 1 mole of nitrogen reacts with 2 moles of oxygen to give 2 moles of nitrogen oxide gas, if for the given balanced reaction is 33.2 kJ/mole of nitrogen oxide?

19) Explain why there is only one value for the standard enthalpy of reaction for a chemical reaction whereas there can be many different values for the enthalpy of reaction.

20) Use the standard enthalpies of formation in your text book to determine whether heat is given off or absorbed when limestone (calcium carbonate) is converted to lime (calcium oxide) and carbon dioxide. Write the heat value included.

21) Use bond dissociation enthalpies to estimate the enthalpy of reaction for the combustion of carbon sulfide in the phase gas to produce carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide.

22) Calculate the standard enthalpy change for magnesium in the solid phase reacts with fluorine in the gas phase to create magnesium fluoride in the solid phase, assuming that 1.00 gram of magnesium gives off 46.22 kJ of heat when it reacts with excess fluorine.


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August 20, 2008

Dating Expatriates

I’m interested to write this topic after I heard a friend say something bad about my Caucasian boss. He one day met me and my boss at a mall when we’re talkin’ while drinking coffee. Then next day he said, ‘I don’t know that you’re similar to any bad Indonesian girls who would like dating white skin guys just for money.’ 
Well, I didn’t explain him at all about the man who he met at the mall. I think it’s my business to keep it secret. I don’t need to explain everyone what other kinda job I have.

What’s wrong dating white skin guys? If I’m in love with one of them, I can’t think it’s wrong. As long as he’s a normal guy and I’m still a woman, why it should be wrong in his eyes? I heard his long explanation why it's bad having a date with Caucasian guys. He – and maybe many Indonesians also – thinks when an Indonesian girl wanna date with Caucasian guys meaning just for money or sex. Say it true, but it’s not wrong at all in my eyes as long as those people are mature and they can take responsibility on what they’re doing. Not only Caucasians will trick money to tread their girls, right? Many Indonesian guys do the same. Don’t think wrong that many Indonesian guys try to attract mature Indonesian women just for sex or money. Bad men are everywhere as good men are. Mature people can do everything with their partners if their partners agree doing that way and it’s not wrong at all when it includes money inside.

Here in Indonesia we call white skin guys as expatriates or commonly using a specific name: bule. Bule means white skin people or caucasians. My boss who accompanied me at the mall is a ‘bule’. Don’t think wrong that the male friend caught us in a cabin or in a closed room. Not at all. We’re sitting on different seats in a coffee shop, drinking coffee, talking to each other, laughing before he went back to his country. He -my boss- wasn’t holding my hands or even fingers at all. He wasn’t talking nasty to me which might make the male friend thought I was dating him. He had been not giving his naughty eyes to me. Everything went to a normal way. I’d tried to turn around pretending not to see my friend but he saw me, I guess. But I know why he said that I’d had a date with my boss because my boss is an old guy in real meaning of old. He’s almost 60 years but looks older than any Indonesian guys in similar age.

I run these questions for the male friend who caught me with my boss at the mall, ‘Why can’t I date a Caucasian? Why do you think Caucasian guys are bad for me but Indonesian guys are not? Why do you think I can’t love a Caucasian so you think I’m interested only in his money?’

His answers, say those statements as an explanation because they took much time, were same with what I got from other male friend when this second guy asking my opinion about having a date with a ‘bule’. At that time, he wasn’t asking me about my experience but my opinion only after he watched an infotainment on TV broadcasting a female artist had a date with a ‘bule’. This artist had some dates with similar races before. At that time I told the guy that it’s not something special. None could force where the artist should place her love as the artist herself didn’t know where she should do. Sweet feeling would go through your heart without telling you on last month that you might be in love with someone in somewhere next month, I said. Later I left him.

Surprisingly the first male friend said hardly that only bad women would be interested with a ‘bule’ in case Mr. ‘bule’ was just a regular guy. What the f*ck he thinks he’s a special guy for any women? What the f*ck he thinks no any ‘bule’ is so special for any other women? Many bule may be good ones, much better that him and his damn selfish-closed mind!

What is A Big Difference between Asians and Caucasians?

My boss told me that he really liked having a relationship with an Indonesian woman. In his opinion, Indonesia women are cute, have exotic skin, soft in words, respect their husbands, good money controllers. If it's true, why Indonesian guys cant see that?

In my opinion, it's something normal if there are Indonesian women attracted with 'bule' without checking their pocket. It's something you are interested with an unusual-new cloth. But I'm not talking to try one cloth and another one just to check which one will be fit for your body.

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August 19, 2008

In Memoriam: My Daddy

August is a historical month for both Indonesians and Indians. The independence day of India is August 14, and on August 17, for Indonesia. But this year, it might be the saddest August for me since I received SMS which stated my daddy passed away. And the worst was I couldn’t see him for the last time of his life.

Last month he called me telling me that he was at airport, in Jakarta and asked me if I possible met him. Because I was in a long monthly examination of my study, and it’s not so easy for me, I couldn’t visit him at that day. I had to manage my time. When I decided to visit him on one Saturday, my son was sick. So he forbade me to go. I of course couldn’t visit him except on Saturday evening till Monday morning. And the last week before he went back to India, was a big busy week in my school. We’re preparing everything to take the ISO 9001:2000. I had to translate, to edit, and to print hundreds papers. It’s impossible for me to go to Jakarta. Then time was over.

I don’t wanna regret anything. If I couldn’t visit him, not because I didn’t care of him or he’s not important any more in my life, but I must have a reason. He’d know that. He’s a wise man, the wisest Hindu I’ve ever known. He one day said this: ‘If you’re doing something wrong I gonna kick your ass, not because I hate you but because of my love for you.’ Or this one: ‘The world may go crazy but you don’t be the one.’ Or this one when I argued years ago that I wanted my son being someone in my head: ‘Parents will go through the edge of a night, so they shouldn’t be selfish for their sons and daughters because those kids are going to walk to dawn.’

He’s the softest guy in the world who had so much love in his heart. He’s 66 years old when he’s gone. It’s enough for him to spread love over this d*mn world. Because I had no his body and I couldn’t attend his funeral in India I burnt all pictures I had as a Hindu should do.

God promises that a good man will end in a good place.

Rest in peace, my beloved daddy.

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July 29, 2008

A Highlighter

I was sitting on my chair as I saw a highlighter on my desk. I just bought it a week ago just because someone asked me to buy it. I didn’t know what I might do with that highlighter but put it on my desk. At that time I saw the highlighter, got smile thinking what I talked to the one who asked me to buy it.

I browsed files on my laptop and found some pictures out over there. I blow one up, my favorite picture which someone had sent me. A kind face was on my laptop screen. I didn’t know what to do except looked at the picture. I imagined something nice about the one on the picture. The one who has told me to have a dream, has given me many sweet dreams in my head, has sent me so many roses after I said I loved roses, has whispered sweet words, was on the screen.

I hold the highlighter and tried to do what he had suggested me weeks ago. I smiled. He might be true. He has never seen someone do something with a highlighter but he wanted me have it when he was just sitting on his chair and thinking of me. I then wrote my feelings and this post was the result.

I then just relaxed as the original Guns n Roses sang ‘Breakdown’… remember in this game we call life… that no one said it’s fair….

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