Plz

(You can read more here…)

Selfie on Social Media

Honestly I don't know why people should be connected through social media today. Why can't people go private?

Okay, a blog is not too private, indeed, but we can share long articles with photos, not only photos. My son just created Facebook account for me because the association asked FB or twitter account as one of terms to join. I had a twitter account several years ago - might be 5 years ago - but it's removed already for time limitation as first reason.

I respect people but I'd rather to read articles than to see selfie photos. Young people here in my country spend very little time to read books, so they can be arranged to read if teachers write on timeline.

Education ministry has literacy program for schools of all grades. It's very good as it's needed. Reading is very important. Young people need to know how to search good sources called digital literacy. Teachers support it at school, however. But it shouldn't be only at school. Because young people will spend much more time in internet, why don't teachers support this by writing, not only posting selfie photos? Posting selfie photos are not bad, but at least they can write one or two pagaraph for students to read.

I'm only one among millions standing with this opinion, but I (we) do hope it will work better.

(You can read more here…)

A Suicidal Person

I hate to admit this but I'm just trying to help myself. I read in several websites that by telling this I can help myself to get rid of suicide attempt. So I'm trying.

It was started by - I really don't know how or why - a day when I had a suicide thought. It was because I felt that  all efforts I had done to escape seemed like no a way out. It was very soon putting me to a suicide thought. I searched methods to get painless suicide. I watched 20s youtube videos about getting suicide. I read hundreds articles how to do suicide, but in a same time I also looked for how to get rid of this stuff.

It finally brought me to prepare myself. I tried to buy a revolver but this country doesn't allow me to do. I thought a strong rope might help. I searched many photos how appearance of people after hanging themselves. It was pitiful. I didn't want to hang myself.
I then bought a short sharp knife. I put it in living room where I would possible see it often. It would be easier to find when I needed it, I thought. I also liked high buildings. It seemed so lonely but peaceful to stand on a high building. I could be there alone and nobody could reach me. I could feel wind hit my face, I thought. I tried to search some possible ways to end the life.

And finally.... One early morning, something or someone knocked my head to get up. I immediately got up and run to backyard. I saw a body hung on ceiling of my backyard. I could see by my eyes that she was me hanging on neck. I got frozen so soon. It's me! Why didn't I know when it was? My brain seemed to get back as I was thinking who was checking the hanging body. It was me, my brain said. So, was it possible to see me hanging on ceiling while I was standing in front of the body? I clasped both hands trying to feel my own body. Then looked at the hanging body. It disappeared!

At evening of other day, I wanted to take clothes at backyard. At out door I saw my right wrist was bleeding. I looked at carefully on my hand. Yes, some blood was there! I looked at another hand, another wrist. It was clean. I hold my left wrist by my right wrist. Yes, it was really clean. No blood. No wound. I again looked at my right bloody wrist. It was clean now! There was no blood which I saw seconds before. No wound. It was really clean now.

Today the sharp knife is still on a same place in living room. I see blood everywhere now. But the blood will disappear in seconds when I turn to other side. I often see my wrist with blood but the blood also will disappear in seconds without I need to clean it up.

(You can read more here…)

Tears

I wish I could shed a tear as others always do at sadness....

(You can read more here…)

A Song for Mama

This is a song called A Song for Mama, which I will play everytime I’m missing my son. He loves arts, especially singing and playing instruments.
He said that he wrote the song when he missed me much. What a loveable son he is. Just like every mom will do, he is the first and the best reason to survive for me. We both are close but we nowadays live separated for his study.

He was 19 years old when he wrote A Song for Mama. He is now 20 years old.

 
A Song for Mama 

I wake up in the morning and trying to open my eyes 
I see the sun shine comes from the glass of the window 
The bright of the sun is not brighter than when I see your smile 
My body is covered by the blanket not warmer than your hug 
Thinking about you is all I do every middle of the night 
I pray for you in every time 
I pray for you in every night 
Hope you’re alright although we’re torn apart 
Just stay and wait for me to hold you later 
 (Whisper) I miss you….

His page in soundcloud.com

(You can read more here…)

Mental Disorder

Will you take it when you’ve been told that you have a mental disorder? In my case, I’m not trying to deny it but I’m fine with it, I guess. I’m normal and I live a normal life.

It was started at a night. I had been talking to a friend until late night and he asked if I wanna sleep. I said no, I would not close my eyes tonight. He asked me why. So I explained him everything that I felt since years ago, probably more than 10 years ago. He asked me several things related to why I forced my eyes opened. He then stated that I had a mental sickness. I denied it immediately. He said it’s fine and everything would be fine but I needed a help. He said I deserved to have a happy life. I once again denied his outlooks by saying I was happy and it’s only about a little scary I had.

Next day I browsed and found out several facts about anxiety. For sure I must admit that I have an anxiety disorder. It’s really shocked me. A psychiatrist analyzed and diagnosed me with the result was a little weirder than my friend's viewpoint. 

 I just can't write it more now. The rest should be only for me. I'd try to accept my life just like before I’ve been told that I have a mental disorder.

(You can read more here…)

Homosexual

An infotainment news in a website about the breakup of Ricky Martin and his longtime boyfriend, Carlos Gonzalez, had been a pretty long discussion between two sides, are agree and disagree about being a gay. I actually just put my comment there as a mommy and a teacher of hundreds young males. I was in this case not judging wrong or right of being a gay. I got thumb nails down and up for the short comment, however.

Curiosity made me scrolling down all comments to read.
There was an interesting explanation in the discussion that being a gay was a disorder. It's said that the disorder would be higher 3 times for homosexual than heterosexual. It’s surprised me, however. I thought that homosexuality was ‘only’ about how to face and to handle desires and feelings. I thought that we might feel something nice for nice guys but we for sure couldn’t feel the same for bad people. It’s simple as it.
 
I care about young males who I’m with, indeed, as young females. I more than once discussed about gays and homosexual globally in my class in chemistry term. I taught my own young boy since his early age that a male should be tied up with a female. I had never told him that being a gay was wrong. I made my own way to explain my concept by always saying that he had to choose a female as his wife. In additional I might say that God allowed men to have one, two, three, or four females but to have only one was the best way ever. I never said possibility of having a man for him. So in this viewpoint he would think that the right couple for a man be with is a female. 

I do think that being a homosexual is a choice. For example, if I have two men who offer me a love, but I don’t feel the same yet, I may look deeper which I would like being with. For sure if it’s possible I will choose a better nicer cleverer richer one who I’m comfort being with. In case one can’t fulfill my big list I will choose one with the most criteria. It’s simple as it, once again. It’s pretty funny for me if one says being a homosexual isn’t a choice, because he can’t choose whom he wanna be with. 

Have you seen a little boy would like another little boy sexually? I, indeed, have never seen an example in my life. Should we state that little boys have better viewpoint than us, who consider ourselves as adults-mature people with deeper-wider views? I don’t wanna come into such world, anyhow.

(You can read more here…)

What Ridiculous (Teachers) They are!

Students say that some teachers at our school act stupid by blaming my kid and give a harder punishment for him for a little fault as other students will get much less punishment for a same fault. Students say it’s because he’s my kid.

My kid grows being a real young man already. He considers it as something un-fair but he thinks to forget it because there are always two types of people – bad and good – even they are teachers. He says: 'I’m so proud of you, mommy, because in students’ eyes, you’re someone who will keep the rules to keep running on a correct track. You smile rarely but when you’re speaking, students will listen to you.'

Though my kid is a young man but he’s not an adult yet. He’s only a kid! He may be wiser than he should be in his age but his heart will be fulfilled negative thoughts for human namely teachers if many – not only one – teachers act un-fair to him. I protect him from negative thoughts by giving him good lessons in my personal life. I ensure that I can’t protect him from others people’ actions even from teachers and even they’re also my fellow teachers.

One day after taking a hard un-fair punishment from a male teacher, he looked sad when he’s home. He then said: 'That’s why I sometimes hate this country. There are so many people do un-fair even for younger people. They’re much older but giving foolish-bad-examples for young people. I wish someday I could take you to other country, mommy. '

I got tears. Not because he’s my kid but because those words came from a kid with his good wishes for his country. I love children because they have bigger heart than many older people should have.

(You can read more here…)

I'm Back, Guys!

After five months leaving this blog, I'm back.
No need a perfect reason to come back here but the writing desire, the readers attention, and the school activities calling me to be here.
I know I will not have so much time to write another new post, so I may rarely check this blog but all comments are allowed to put any time.

Anyway, I'd love sharing my wonderful times as a personal, a teacher, a mommy of a young cute man, or even a woman with her feelings.

(You can read more here…)

U’RE NOBODY

U’re a foolish creature. U never do something right. U’re just an outsider for everyone. U’re nothing, u know that, dirty chicken? U need a big mirror to take a look your shadow and your face on it. U’ll know how unshaped-weak-skinny-body u have. U’ll know how moron u are. U’ll know u’re nobody. U might be the best graduated student but u’re sh*t in my assh*le, old b*tch!

Mr. X dug a huge hole in my head for more than eleven years and he got to grow my mindset as what he wanted. I didn’t dare to meet people for years. I had smile rarely for years. I got away from mirror. I hid myself in the closet for years. I just went out for a work, or with my little son. I didn’t look at people’s eyes when talking to them or walking around but just looking at my toes. I just knew I was nobody. I could be the best student at elementary until senior high school, I could be the best graduated student at my faculty, I could be one of 20 people who got the president scholarship in my country, but all were luck. Even though my IQ was 148 I was so stupid in life. I actually knew that I was nobody.

I later tried to build my self confidence. When I almost got it back, somebody else just proved me that all of Mr. X’ words are true. I know now that Mr. X is the winner. He will be always the winner and he will be the right endorse on my life. I know it now. I swear I do know it now. I can understand now why Mr. X always laughed at me. I can understand now why I always did wrong things in my past.
It’s because of the only one reason. Because… I’m nobody. I’m nothing.

(You can read more here…)

Just Wished I Could Sleep Till the Sun Burnt

I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.  

Have you ever felt your heart is empty though you have filled it with a number of a book’s pages? You’re in crowded but you’re feeling so lonely. People speak but you can’t hear their voices. When you can hear them, theirs just make you sick. You rub their skin but you can’t feel their warm. When their eyes stare at you, you get freezing. When you do your spouse, you get ice covers your shaft. You try to escape but no a way out. You try to run as far as you can but your feet just step on a same hell. 

I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.  

Have you ever checked your mail box over and over just to see if you can find an e-mail which will never been sent to you? You browse internet and hit a number of websites but you don’t understand even a word till you realize the pages end already. Have you ever got your brain is full as you are thinking nothing? You wanna arrange a statement but your loaded brain makes you to stop thinking. Your eyes shed a tear when TV broadcasts a comedy. You then blame yourself why you can’t see the heroic side of superman. 

What will you do after you get yourself is still being in such situation? Smoking? Being a drunker? Having wild sex? Driving high speed? Taking a pilgrim? Screaming loudly? Yelling others? What will you do? 

 I just wished I could sleep and would never wake up any more.

(You can read more here…)

LONELY PEOPLE IN THE INVISIBLE WORLD

I thought I’d chosen a good decision not to connect onto internet for a chat but news, browsing or e-mails. I thought I won the game. Later seemed I was just a looser who been totally home alone, stared at TV but watched nothing. As my son has been growing up without I do realize it, he asks me not to go around but he will buy everything I need while I’m ‘taking care’ home. As I have a problem with real spaces, it’s so hard to go around except for very important needs. I then realized that I knew nothing about town I’m settled in.

Months after the ‘good’ decision, I came for a chat again for someone. Today because everything is under uncontrolled, talking to friends by messenger is the only one choice. But honestly after a long night passed by, there’s something inside heart I’ll feel which I can’t explain by words. Something is like a big hole in my heart that needs to be repaired. Something is like a big hole that needs to fill up.

No wonder why TV arranges 'Take Me Out' to people who looking for their couples because this world has been narrower in its real meaning. By internet, people may talk to their friends but most are un-touched-invisible persons. Real friends around are only working mates with who people may share about work’s ways but hide personal stories. There’s a part of the heart which needs to be touched with a true feeling in a real life.

More times the one spends alone, more he traps himself to look for someone called a true friend. Years I used to be alone but never been lonely but now I’m thinking different. Older I’m softer my heart more careful my steps but the need of a true friend is sometimes still there.

(You can read more here…)

Is Indonesia Safe from Terrorists?

Beginning with the death of the florist in the terror bombing at the Marriot hotel, Ibrohim, after the firefight for seventeen hours, the search for traces’ Nurdin M. Top, a Malaysian terrorist and also the leader of Al-Qaeda in Southeast Asia, who had devastated the beautiful Indonesia, began to show a bright note. He and his cronies had spread terror, put a bomb in public spaces, especially the places visited by many foreigners, especially most Americans.

Nurdin's death in the bathroom of a house in a small village in Solo, Central Java ended up policemen’s long search for the number one terrorist. Indonesian police detachment of anti terror is called Densus 88. It’s then followed by the shooting of his accomplices. One of them is Syafruddin Zuhri, who is suspected as the second guy of their network was shot dead after a fight by throwing the pipe bombs at police.

For a very small part of Indonesians, they are heroes who intend to end the dirty work of America across the world. Indonesia is being the chosen place because the population’s majority of this country is Muslims. That way, the chaos in Indonesia would be a great homework for the interested world. Arab countries certainly very concerned about security in Indonesia to raise the image of Islam to the international world. For Western countries, America for example, Indonesia plays an important role to neutralize the world’s negative view. By a good cooperation with this country will give a positive image of Islamic countries against them. Again, the reason being this is the majority of the Muslims population of this country.

But for most Indonesians, Nurdin and his cronies are just terrorists who tarnish the Islamic face and humiliate Muslims.

My Personal View

I do hate violence, in whatever form and to anyone. Killing other people even with an acceptable reason for feeling is very difficult for me to take it as a good deed. Moreover, if the killings were perpetrated against the people who knew nothing of the matter or may even support what he was fighting for the killers. Although the reason for their version of jihad, a person who kills another person will always be called a murderer, except to kill the opponents in a war. Of course it's something different, however.

Their ideology on behalf of Islam and jihad as an excuse to kill someone else, certainly it’s very opposite of my understanding of jihad. According to the Islamic Jihad which I understand is struggling in the way of God to uphold Islam. This struggle does not mean that according to Islam are allowed to kill anyone, let alone the reasons for differences of religion and the Shari'a.

Sometimes I think, if their purpose is to kill Americans, why they did not come just to America? Would not be much more the American people can be 'sacrificed' for their 'struggle'? Would not it be immediately attract attention around the world?

To Indonesians Who Have Same Vision with Nurdin and His Accomplices

To people who have same vision with Nurdin and his cronies, why you're too cowardly to face the enemy you want the most? Do you know how Islam hates the cowards, don't you? If you asked me if they're terrorists or heroes in my eyes, I will firmly answer: they are big loser terrorists!

(You can read more here…)

My Teenager

I got permission from my son to write about him and also to publish it here. He’s a teen, however. Being a mommy for teens isn’t something easy especially when you’re alone to take care of them. Lucky me (or unlucky?), I just have one with me. At least I just need to separate my attention for less fields, are him, works, household, and the last one is me myself.

He grew up so fast. But I still remember when I picked him to his playgroup’s class. I can remember how I couldn’t recognize him when we met on the road while I was thinking how poor a mom who had that kid. Though I served his uniform so clean, but then he played ‘soccer’ with his friends at school and he was back home as 'a soccer player' plus spotted brown everywhere on his uniform. If he didn’t call me, I would pass him over.

His name is Dyer. He’s 15 years old now. Sometimes this young man surprises me. He looks like a mature guy in words. But all I know from his statements is he loves me much.

A couple days ago he told me that some of his male friends talked to him about me and our relationship. It’s about how close we’re.
‘You may mind if I get close with your mommy but I do that with my own mommy. Why should you mind?’ he argued them.
He said that he would kiss me and he didn’t care if his male friends were around. I said it would be okay for me if he couldn’t give me a soft kiss on my cheeks in front of his friends, but he told me that he’s fine with it. Of course I like having his little kiss on my cheeks or lips :)
Last two weeks, I bought him an electric bass after a long month he persuaded me. As I know he loves music so much and he can play some instruments by learning them by himself, and he just has an old-dissatisfied guitar, so it’s a good time to praise him. I could see how bright his eyes, how nice his smile to show how happy his heart inside when he sufficiently had the electric bass.

Nobody has learnt how to be a good parent, nor me. I may not a perfect mommy for my son. But all that I do for him are ones we think good things or even the best for him. They might be not seen too well for him at that time but for his future. I love my teenager and pray for his best life.

If you’re parents of a teen or teens, you can understand how much this love. If you’re a son or a daughter, you will know how much your parents love you.

(You can read more here…)

Am I Too Bad?

These all were what I said and asked in a teachers’ meeting of our school management. The background was our principal’s commitment. Almost all teachers and students said that he didn’t have a good commitment to run management of our school. As I wrote in ‘Does He Hide Something?’, he had left some good programs of our school which had been our icons since the school built, and it affected most of us.

Soon the meeting was being ‘hot’ in the real meaning of hot. We felt that we’re sitting on the fire. He acted as he didn’t know something and kept running his long explanation but it really explained nothing. Soon later the meeting began a war field where the principal wanted international teachers (five teachers) would be paid as much as regular teachers but he asked the five teachers to do three-four times harder of job than other regular teachers for the school’s sake. But students of the international classes have to pay double tuition because they’re studying in international classes. Everyone knows that an international class isn’t cheap to run on! He reported for the monitoring team that the international students had to pay much because the spent money was used for paying international teachers as the teachers had been paid double than regular ones. It’s not fair at all, of course! I and four other teachers who teach Cambridge curriculum for international classes were thinking that we’re throwing into a hot fire. But I think the principal won’t know what others want from him if nobody will explain it all to him. So I did!

"Thanks for giving me a chance.
As you and all have known about me so well, I won’t blame you behind but I’ll tell you my thoughts and even it’s a bitter one to say I’ll say. Since I took my seat and heard what you said, I think there’s no any explanation from you, though you had spoken too long and too much but you didn’t answer one question yet. So I think I need to use the straight words to make you clear and I hope that I and we all here will get a good answer from you later. We do need an explanation to answer parents' questions about our programs.

You always used international class to ask parents of international students pay more. You presented how good international teachers we had in this school and for that reason, parents didn’t mind to double tuition of their kids. And you always said to their parents that the school doubled salary of international teachers. I had discussed with other four teachers and as I’m a home teacher of XI grade of the international class I’ll run the following statements and questions and they’re our statements and questions, not mine.

We five don’t mind not to be paid double or if the school has no enough money to pay us, we’d love being volunteers for the students and this country. But the school and you as the top leader of the school asked parents to pay more than any parents of regular students. And the problem then is you explained parents why they had to pay more. The only reason is because this school has to pay more international teachers. We five don’t mind not to be paid more if students don’t pay more. We five don’t mind you pay us as much as other regular teachers but you don’t ask our international students to pay more than regular students. If they pay more we get more. If they pay more but you pay us as much as other regular teachers, you can’t ask five of us to give more than others. We will give what others give for the school if you value us in salary as much as others in the case the international students have to pay more.

And I wanna tell you all about another one. Students said that I’m a very good mask for you because I’m always ready to fight for you when students try to take you down. But now I have a big question for myself if I have done a right way for students and their parents? Do I have to think once again if the one I’m ready to fight for is a real good one to fight for? Because if we try to be honest for ourselves, we will see that we had run this school by a wrong way. Why do I say so? Because so many good programs are in memoriam today!

Didn’t you ever hear when you’re going around that people out there said many bad things about our school? We’re running an excellent school in this province, we’re running a prestigious school for people in South Sumatera, we’re running one of the best national school in this country, but what we have today? Will we let this excellent school just to be a good memory of people’s mind?

I have a good statement taken from my daddy’s word and I’ll share it for you all here as I’ve kept the word to take my life way. Hope it will be also a good one for you all. My daddy said that if you do something wrong, I'm gonna kick your ass not because I hate you but because of my love for you.
And you know, Sir, it’s what I’m doing for you now in this meeting.

I sufficiently know that my words weren’t nice enough to be listened to, but I hope your main tree is same with mine and you can understand why I do this all for you. Thank you."

I needed more than 10 minutes to blow the all words out of my head. When I was saying those all, everybody said nothing and just listened to me. Almost all teachers then said that I told the audience what they wanna say but they couldn’t say those all because they didn’t know how to say, they didn’t know which words they should choose.

Can you suggest me something why the principal still couldn’t give us the answer after I explained him and audience by those all blunt words? Is he too slow-witted to understand?

(You can read more here…)

Are u in Love?

Ten signals to measure if you may be in love....

1) You miss someone but you actually have no any reasons to miss him/her.
2) You wanna meet someone but you just have left him/her less than 15 minutes ago.
3) You wanna hear his/her voice but you actually just talked to him/her less than 15 minutes ago.
4) He/she is so amazing in your eyes but others say his/her score is just about standard score or lower.
5) You are always thinking that his/her words are nice even when he/she is getting angry with people.
6) You are always thinking that he/she acts something cool even he/she looks like a bad clown for others.
7) He/she looks down on the one but you think he's doing the best way.
8) He/she just has standard figure but you think he/she is sexy.
9) You will feel sexy when you're with him/her.
10) You wanna spend more time with him/her and hope the time will never end.

So... are you in love now?
If you answer yes, it's time for you to tell him/her what is your true feeling.
If you answer no, dont worry... many good men/women out there who are waiting for your love. Find one (at least. huh?! ) for you!

(You can read more here…)

Indonesian Language (Part 1): How to Spell?

Bahasa Indonesia or Indonesian language unites the over 250 millions people with more than 400 kinda regional dialects or even distinct languages. Learning Indonesian language ain’t something hard. Here I’ll introduce you to Indonesian language and how to spell words using general audience. There are some key points which will be so easy to learn.


1) Each letter has special sound and it won’t be same with others. I’ll write how to spell each letter and you may compare it when you spell certain words in English.
For example:
A = cut, nut, month.
It means we can spell ‘A’ as we spell ‘u’ for ‘cut’ or ‘nut’ or ‘o’ in ‘month’.
I = ink, hint, bee, etc.
U = foot, soon, moon, etc.
E = check, send, earth, etc.
O = joy, toy, obey, etc.

The following consonants are important consonants which may distinguish them with English version as the rest are same.
C = chuck, child, chart, etc. (don’t spell ‘C’ as we spell ‘C’ in cute, case, cell, certain, etc.).
G = grant, good, game, etc. (don’t ever spell ‘G’ as we spell ‘G’ in giant, gee, gentle, etc.).
K = key, kidney, kidding, etc.
R = rare, rule, ring, etc. (use a harder tension for ‘R’ in Indonesian than English).

The all rules will realize all words in Indonesian language.

2) A word generally needs a vocal between two consonants. We’ll find rarely a word has three or more consonants or a word consists of one tension as we easily find them in English, such as words above (cut, nut, month, ink, etc.). Words in Indonesian language needs two tensions, at least.
For examples:
Meja (me-ja) = table
Kaki (ka-ki) = foot
Gigi (gi-gi) = tooth
Duduk (du-duk) = sit
Sakit (sa-kit) = pain, sick
Bahaya (ba-ha-ya) = dangerous
Menjahit (men-ja-hit) = sew
Kelakuan (ke-la-ku-an) = behavior, attitude

Have fun with Indonesian language!

(You can read more here…)

General Chemistry (Part 3): Thermochemistry

For all students of XI grade, read the following questions carefully, choose one question, give your answer here but once the question has been answered, right or wrong, you can not answer it. Just write a final answer, you don't need to write stepwise. For the last five answers, you may change your answer twice, if the first answer is false.

1) What is thermochemistry exactly?

2) Why do we learn thermochemistry?

3) Give 2 examples of thermochemistry applications in daily life.

4) State a thermochemical equation if ammonium chromate (solid) formation releases 1806.7 kJ/mole of energy.

5) 130 grams acetylene (C2H2) can raise 20 liters of water from 200C to 1000C. Calculate enthalpy change of water and state its thermochemical equation if known density of water = 1 gr/ml and heat capacity of water = 1 J/gr.0C.

6) Known the enthalpy change of ethylene and ethane formations in the manner are 51,8 kJ and 64,4 kJ, what heat will be released by ethylene produces ethane?

7) By using bond energy data in your text book, calculate how much heat will be included to react ethylene and chlorine form ethyl chloride and chloric acid? Please write the bond energy of each substance.

8) Known the following thermochemical equations:
XO2 + CO -® XO + CO2 DH = - 20 kJ
X3O4 + CO -® 3 XO + CO2 DH = + 6 kJ
3 X2O3 + CO -® 2 X3O4 + CO2 DH = - 12 kJ
Calculate the enthalpy change for the following equation:
2 XO2 + CO -® X2O3 + CO2

9) Explain latent heat and sensible heat.

10) What is 1 Btu (British Thermal Unit)? Calculate the number of joules in 1 Btu of heat.

11) What does Hess' Law state and give one example to explain your answer (you may use an example from daily life or even everywhere).


12) The natural gas in methane reacts with oxygen to give carbon dioxide and water. Calculate the heat given off when 0.010 mole of methane reacts with excess oxygen in a bomb calorimeter if the temperature of 1.00 kilogram of water in the bath surrounding the bomb increases by 1.918 0C.

13) How do we measure the enthalpy of a reaction? Explain your answer sharply.

14) What are differences between an exothermic reaction and an endothermic reaction?

15) If a reaction can not go spontaneously what you will do? Explain your answer by giving an example of each way.

16) Predict which of the following substances should have an enthalpy of formation equal to zero:
(a) Hg (l)
(b) Br2 (g)
(c) H (g)
Give your reason.

17) What value of heat will be included in the following blank enthalpy change?



















18) How much heat is given off when 1 mole of nitrogen reacts with 2 moles of oxygen to give 2 moles of nitrogen oxide gas, if for the given balanced reaction is 33.2 kJ/mole of nitrogen oxide?

19) Explain why there is only one value for the standard enthalpy of reaction for a chemical reaction whereas there can be many different values for the enthalpy of reaction.

20) Use the standard enthalpies of formation in your text book to determine whether heat is given off or absorbed when limestone (calcium carbonate) is converted to lime (calcium oxide) and carbon dioxide. Write the heat value included.

21) Use bond dissociation enthalpies to estimate the enthalpy of reaction for the combustion of carbon sulfide in the phase gas to produce carbon dioxide and sulfur dioxide.

22) Calculate the standard enthalpy change for magnesium in the solid phase reacts with fluorine in the gas phase to create magnesium fluoride in the solid phase, assuming that 1.00 gram of magnesium gives off 46.22 kJ of heat when it reacts with excess fluorine.

(You can read more here…)

Dating Expatriates

I’m interested to write this topic after I heard a friend say something bad about my Caucasian boss. He one day met me and my boss at a mall when we’re talkin’ while drinking coffee. Then next day he said, ‘I don’t know that you’re similar to any bad Indonesian girls who would like dating white skin guys just for money.’ 
Well, I didn’t explain him at all about the man who he met at the mall. I think it’s my business to keep it secret. I don’t need to explain everyone what other kinda job I have.

What’s wrong dating white skin guys? If I’m in love with one of them, I can’t think it’s wrong. As long as he’s a normal guy and I’m still a woman, why it should be wrong in his eyes? I heard his long explanation why it's bad having a date with Caucasian guys. He – and maybe many Indonesians also – thinks when an Indonesian girl wanna date with Caucasian guys meaning just for money or sex. Say it true, but it’s not wrong at all in my eyes as long as those people are mature and they can take responsibility on what they’re doing. Not only Caucasians will trick money to tread their girls, right? Many Indonesian guys do the same. Don’t think wrong that many Indonesian guys try to attract mature Indonesian women just for sex or money. Bad men are everywhere as good men are. Mature people can do everything with their partners if their partners agree doing that way and it’s not wrong at all when it includes money inside.

Here in Indonesia we call white skin guys as expatriates or commonly using a specific name: bule. Bule means white skin people or caucasians. My boss who accompanied me at the mall is a ‘bule’. Don’t think wrong that the male friend caught us in a cabin or in a closed room. Not at all. We’re sitting on different seats in a coffee shop, drinking coffee, talking to each other, laughing before he went back to his country. He -my boss- wasn’t holding my hands or even fingers at all. He wasn’t talking nasty to me which might make the male friend thought I was dating him. He had been not giving his naughty eyes to me. Everything went to a normal way. I’d tried to turn around pretending not to see my friend but he saw me, I guess. But I know why he said that I’d had a date with my boss because my boss is an old guy in real meaning of old. He’s almost 60 years but looks older than any Indonesian guys in similar age.

I run these questions for the male friend who caught me with my boss at the mall, ‘Why can’t I date a Caucasian? Why do you think Caucasian guys are bad for me but Indonesian guys are not? Why do you think I can’t love a Caucasian so you think I’m interested only in his money?’

His answers, say those statements as an explanation because they took much time, were same with what I got from other male friend when this second guy asking my opinion about having a date with a ‘bule’. At that time, he wasn’t asking me about my experience but my opinion only after he watched an infotainment on TV broadcasting a female artist had a date with a ‘bule’. This artist had some dates with similar races before. At that time I told the guy that it’s not something special. None could force where the artist should place her love as the artist herself didn’t know where she should do. Sweet feeling would go through your heart without telling you on last month that you might be in love with someone in somewhere next month, I said. Later I left him.

Surprisingly the first male friend said hardly that only bad women would be interested with a ‘bule’ in case Mr. ‘bule’ was just a regular guy. What the f*ck he thinks he’s a special guy for any women? What the f*ck he thinks no any ‘bule’ is so special for any other women? Many bule may be good ones, much better that him and his damn selfish-closed mind!

What is A Big Difference between Asians and Caucasians?

My boss told me that he really liked having a relationship with an Indonesian woman. In his opinion, Indonesia women are cute, have exotic skin, soft in words, respect their husbands, good money controllers. If it's true, why Indonesian guys cant see that?

In my opinion, it's something normal if there are Indonesian women attracted with 'bule' without checking their pocket. It's something you are interested with an unusual-new cloth. But I'm not talking to try one cloth and another one just to check which one will be fit for your body.

(You can read more here…)

In Memoriam: My Daddy

August is a historical month for both Indonesians and Indians. The independence day of India is August 14, and on August 17, for Indonesia. But this year, it might be the saddest August for me since I received SMS which stated my daddy passed away. And the worst was I couldn’t see him for the last time of his life.  

Last month he called me telling me that he was at Jakarta airport and asked me if I possible met him. Because I was in a long monthly examination of my study, and it’s not so easy for me, I couldn’t visit him at that day. I had to manage my time. When I decided to visit him on one Saturday, my son was sick. So he forbade me to go. I of course couldn’t visit him except on Saturday evening till Monday morning. 

The latest week before he went back to India was a big busy week in my school. We’re preparing everything to take the ISO 9001:2000. I had to translate, to edit, and to print hundreds papers. It’s impossible for me to go to Jakarta. Then time was over. 

 I don’t wanna regret anything. If I couldn’t visit him, not because I didn’t care of him or he’s not important any more in my life, but I must have a reason. He’d know that. He’s a wise man, the wisest Hindu I’ve ever known. 

He one day said this: ‘If you’re doing something wrong I gonna kick your ass, not because I hate you but because of my love for you.’ 

Or this one: ‘The world may go crazy but you don’t be the one.’ 

Or this one when I argued years ago that I wanted my son being someone in my head: ‘Parents will go through the edge of a night, so they shouldn’t be selfish for their sons and daughters because those kids are going to walk to dawn.’ 

He’s the softest guy in the world who had so much love in his heart. He’s 66 years old when he’s gone. It’s enough for him to spread love over this damn world. Because I had no his body and I couldn’t attend his funeral in India I burnt all pictures I had as a Hindu should do. God promises that a good man will end in a good place. Rest in peace, my beloved daddy.

(You can read more here…)

How Should We Face A Terror?

Sometimes we can’t predict with whom we’re having a relationship. Sometimes we think people with whom we’re shaking hands are good people but they’re not in fact. Here I’m not telling you the best way how to face a terror. I just wanna tell you what I did when I had one.

It occurred since 3 days ago. First I thought I need to tell someone about it but his mobile engaged when I called him. Then I told a little part to my big sister and mum, just to remind them all if something bad happened to me. They live in other places of other island. I live here without any relatives but my son. But he stays at dormitory and just back home on Saturday afternoon and back to dormitory again on Sunday evening.

Some people who know about this case say that I’m facing psychos. In my eyes, they have no love inside to feel mankind. Whatever they are in real, I’m then so scared to walk around without covering my face. I need to drive speed just because I’m afraid they may stop me in the street and do something bad. I’m being a phobia in opened areas if I don’t know people surround me. I lock doors and windows one second after I get home. Then use additional keys for doors even I’m at home. It’s something like I’m caging me myself alone at home.

Then I thought it’s not funny to cage myself in my own home just because some people out side were terrorizing and trying to hurt me. But when I read their short messages via mobile phone, I knew they would do anything to terrorize me. My big sister reminded me to be much more careful, to scream and to ask favor from other people when they tried to do something bad to me. She knows that I’m not easy to tell my problems or ask favor from others. But in this case, I’ll scream for sure when it’s needed.

Tips
1)Tell some trusted people about your big problem
They can be witnesses when the psycho goes crazy. I, in my case, told my big sister and mum. I couldn’t tell details but at least they knew.

2)Talk to people about something else
I called some people one by one and then asked some others to call me back.
I didn’t care how much I should pay the charge. I just need to feel safe. Talk to people when you’re scared sometimes can help you a little. You may not need to tell your problem, just need to talk, talk, and talk about all things except your big problem.

3)Be with friends
Don’t let you are alone especially in an opened area. Bad people may do something crazy to you by the third party. When you need to meet those people at certain place, just go there with your friends and meet them in a crowded-opened area.

4)Write your feeling
When you must face bad people, you should write down your big problem because it also can be a proof for others.

5)God will save you
Don’t be ashamed being scared because we’re just human being but keep in your heart that God will always save you. He will take care who believe in Him.

Good luck! God bless you….

(You can read more here…)

When A Guy Can’t Respect Women

It’s about a guy with whom I was talking yesterday. I had so many bad experiences with him and knew how bad he was. I’m not sure he can be a good guy though he has passed years of his life. I thought for years that he had put some sh*t in his brain. And I proved what I thought of him yesterday.

As I don’t like thinking bad about others and I won’t think one part of him but he contacted me, again, yesterday. I knew for sure when he did it meaning he needed something from me. And I once again proved it. But as he cant respect a woman, and I’m a woman, what I should do for him? Just let my mobile off and it means I cant receive any SMS or calls from other people? Just let he send me SMS but I shouldn’t reply? Just let it ring but I shouldn’t pick it up?

But even via SMS, he tried to hurt me. Did I get hurt? Oh, come on, I’m a strong woman as every single person says about me. So what the problem is then? Nothing. Just wanna write what I had yesterday. Just wanna tell every single person out there that a woman can be stronger, much stronger, than a guy. Just wanna tell women out there that they shouldn’t cry, get angry, or think bad about themselves when guys around them tell something bad about them. Because there are so many bad guys out side who cant respect a woman even by words. Because there are so many stupid guys out side who will try to hurt women for fun. What? For fun? Oh yes, for sure I can say that there are so many bad guys out side who will say so and may act stupid and they think it’s fun, at least for themselves as they cant respect women or even themselves. That’s true!

In my opinion when a f*cking guy cant respect a woman, it means he cant respect his himself and it also means his heart is blind to see how he may have a happy life if he can do a better way.

The guy with whom I was talking yesterday, he made me think of another one. The last guy, with whom I have shared many things and stories, has given me the best view of life which I’ve ever got. And the last guy who I’m talking about, has sent me hundreds beautiful roses which I’ll share some with you all over here.

(You can read more here…)

Why Do U Smoke?

I asked some people to know why they smoked. Smoking here means smoking of cigarettes only, not marujuana, cocaine, or any other kinda drugs. I asked their reasons to smoke and their opinion about getting healthy. Here are their opinions....

1) My father was a smoker so I am.
2) None in my family is a smoker so I wanna be the first.
3) My grandma smoked but she had good healthy. So I have no a perfect reason not to smoke.
4) It’s just about being a smoker. So what?
5) It accompanies me to spend time. What can I do then if I don’t smoke?
6) Just because I need to forget something. I need to leave this f**king world but not getting die till now. I’m afraid of God’s punishment so I need something to be with me just to forget I maybe in the f**king hell oneday.
7) Being a smoker isn’t too bad, is it?
8) My gal next-door died without any poison of nicotine inside her blood. Death will come to you even you’re not a smoker. So, why should I'm afraid of being a smoker?
9) Many people around the world get smoke, I’m only one of them. It doesn't matter for me or for everyone.
10) Cancer may come to you or me even though you don’t smoke, rite?
11) When I need to force my brain to think harder, I need a cigarette.
12) My friends smoke, my father smokes, my mother smokes, my little sister and brothers smoke. Are you surprised why I smoke then?
13) One day I had a trip to go to somewhere. I saw a nice young girl was smoking. I saw how she enjoyed her cigarette. She gulped smoke down as her nice eyes looked at her nice-long fingers. Her way to get smoke had been interesting for me to get a same way. So I did.
14) Just wanna smoke. Do I need a reason?
15) No reason.

(You can read more here…)

Just Write

It’s not a poem or a story. It’s just what I wanna write. I like it or not, you like it or not, I’ll post it here. It’s not for me myself or one of you. It’s just what I wanna write. I’m letting my fingers to type what they wanna type. This written paper will have a meant or not, I don’t care. Here’s what my fingers typing:

I don’t know why I immediately feel so bad. I just wanna keep my mouth from any words. I don’t wanna do something. I just wanna let my brain get rest. I just wanna close my eyes, not to see my fingers typing. I just wanna be alone. I just wanna talk to my heart. This life has never been fair. Acting on the stage is what we’re doing.

I don’t know why I immediately feel so sad. I cant see there’s a bright in this world. I hope this world will stop around. It just wastes time to circle this universe without bringing happiness for itself. It’s just doing something un-useful. None will care of it. None. None will see its sadness as none will see mine.

Have you ever cried but you don’t know why you do. Have you ever think this world just has a narrow place for you. Have you ever seen the sadness power you strong?

I came to a friend’s home. He asked me why I looked so sad. But I didn’t say a word. I just sit down on the sofa. But I didn’t wanna let myself trapped at that beautiful house. I got to the car and drove it speed. As I played Guns n Roses hard I cried. I let ‘Patience’ and ‘Estranged’ filled full my mind. I played them again and again. I didn’t know why and what for. I just felt so sad. I just wanna cried. I had never cried for so many years. I almost forgot how to cry….

(You can read more here…)

Rudeness in Indonesian Guys’ View

How can they have 180 degrees difference of opinions?

My friends say I have much love in my heart. They say I’m honest and they like to hear my opinion when they must face a problem because I’ll show them the truth. I’m kind and love mankind.
And the other hand, many office mates say I’m rude. My words are too rude, I always answer sharply and speak straight forward. I’m not like an Indonesian in views and life style. I shouldn’t be so honest because I’m an Indonesian. Are they too opposite each other?

I don’t mind what other people think of me. I don’t mind what they all will say about me. For all reasons, I won’t change myself into somebody. I know I’m not a perfect one. I may do something wrong and I’m not good enough in religion, at least I won’t share my opinion based on my religion except people ask me.

A hard one is I can’t hide something bad behind my back. I won’t say a bad thing as a good thing even for my enemy. I won’t push my enemies (If I had) to a gorge. I’ll say the truth even it’s too bitter to say. I’d heard many people say that I shouldn’t say the truth for my enemies or especially my boss. Why can’t I? Why should I hide the truth for some people and say it for others? In my eyes, all people are same. Just because they eat different food, it doesn’t mean they’re special in this case. The truth will be the truth in everywhere. It doesn’t care if you like it or not or you can take it or not.

I won’t appreciate my office mates based on their personal behave but just based on their skill or works. I sometimes don’t see or say hi to some of them for weeks because of my busy days. I don’t care what they will do as long as they don’t take hand on my work, I won’t be busy with their private business.

About Yesterday

I proved once again that being honest ain’t a good thing here in my country. School arranged a workshop for all components in the school but students. We’ll use an adoptive-adaptive curriculum in new academic year, so we need to create new administrative papers. The problem is the new curriculum should be written in two kinda languages, Indonesian and English, for math, physics, chemistry, and biology which these four subjects will adapt and adopt Cambridge curriculum.

As usual, I used to ask what I should or may do and make everything clear before I start to work. So I asked the chairman of the workshop. This guy doesn’t teach one of those subjects. He teaches social science. He answered me with his mother language which I couldn’t understand.

‘Okay, I’ll ask you once again. Which curriculum will we use, IGCSE and A/AS level or IGCSE only? Which year of curriculum should we use because we’re managing a curriculum for new academic? The students will take the examination in 2010. The fastest one may be in 2009 but we just have curriculum 2008. Let’s make everything clear what we should do first,’ I repeated as tried to speak loud because we’re in the school’s main hall and no a microphone with me. He couldn’t hear me if I spoke softly, could he?

He took a seat beside me and showed me his mad face. I didn’t care if he got mad. I just needed to know what I had to do. I can’t start to work before I know what I should do, right? Then he said that I’d used rude words. How the hell should I speak? What kinda words would he like to hear? I’ll say they’re typical Indonesians for such guys. They don’t know what to do but when others can do better they’ll say badly for them. God damn it, why most Indonesian guys can’t accept their weaknesses?

When I told an Indonesian male friend about it, he agreed with me. In his opinion, it’s really true. See, he’s a guy and he’s an Indonesian but he agreed with me!

(You can read more here…)

BOMB

Once again I received an offline message from an Indian friend telling me how Indian Muslims bombed a town there, named Jaipur. The bomb blast had killed twenties people and hundreds injured. Jaipur ain’t a city of Indonesia and I’m not an origin Indian. Not because my daddy lives in India and I have some good Indian friends and they live in some cities over there, so I think the bomb is a wrong-bad-fool thing.
Without I planned, I recalled my memory about Bali bombing. I still could remember how hundreds people died and thousands injured. Many of the killed people were foreigners. The most were Americans.

A few months later the bombers were arrested but not all Indonesians believed that they were the real bombers. I had no opinion if they’re real bombers or not but I got happy if police had arrested the real bombers. They might be just victims as the world wanted the bombers and didn’t care who they were. But years later the time proved that they really knew how to kill and they believed something stupid about being a killer. Those bastards look so innocent, they speak softly as they can’t kill even an ant. But they did, not just ants but people in the early morning of October 13, 2002 in Bali, a Goddess Island of Indonesia.

I’m not reminding everyone how bad it was. It ain’t an interesting story to tell at all. The victims and their relatives don’t wanna watch the movie which bases on it. I can understand. I who don’t have any relatives or even someone I might know as a victim can’t stand any more to recall the story. Not full story, neither even a little part.

Islam and Peace

I love peace. God also loves peace, doesn’t He? I can’t understand how people can kill other people in the name of Him then? I read the Bali bombers told that they might go to heaven if they could kill their enemies. The enemies are people who have different religion with them. They may be Muslims. So they wanna tell the world that Islamic rules allow them to kill other people. How do the hell they argue so? Is that what Islamic rules really say? I can’t believe that even a word!

Islam loves peace. Muhammad the Prophet (p.u.h) by using Hadist and Quran taught his follower to love other people. He never taught his follower to kill people or even animals without any reasons. He appreciated other religions and he never forced anybody to convert into Muslims. He worked together with his Muslims guys and other religions’ guys. He corresponded with the king of Roman. He taught to proud of Jesus Christ as one of the Muslims’ messengers.

I’m a Muslim though I’m not a good one for sure but at least I never think to kill other people or even just hurt them, both Muslims and people of other religions. I know God never made a mistake in anyways and he isn’t blind, doesn’t need to sleep or even take rest, doesn’t need to eat or drink, and we human can’t hide anything from Him. He’ll punish who has destroyed His earth. I believe this in my life.

(You can read more here…)

Oh God, I still Love Him Up till Now!

Is it funny enough to love Guns n Roses in your rest life as this old band is broken already? Is it stupid enough to wait for the Chinese Democracy as it’s unreleased after years waiting for the most wanted album? I’m that one stupid people of millions.

I never spend a day without listening to one of G n R’s songs. The funny thing is I can’t listen to their new songs but old ones only because Axl holds his new album on his own hands and doesn’t wanna share them all with his fans. I’m –as millions people in this planet doing – waiting that great new album, thinking he will release it, while listening to his old albums.

I had tried to hate him because of his bad attitude. I even wrote down on a paper why I still waited for his songs, why I still listened to his old songs, why I should love his songs and why I saved his pictures in my laptop, to make a way to leave him and his old songs. I had listened to his speeches as he always used to choose bad-rude words while tried thinking that he’d acted so bad. But they all didn’t work at all.

I think he won’t release his new album, never, but a small space in my heart is still looking forward. And that stupid heart has saved some songs of Guns n Roses in my cell phone, makes it as ring tones for SMS and a call. It also uses his hundreds photos as screen saver in my laptop. That’s so stupid and it’s my heart!

(You can read more here…)

How Do We Possible Have Our Sweet Home?

When I decided to buy that house, it ain’t because we needed a house. We rented a nice home and I saved remain of money as I wasn’t a good shopper. As I had no much time to go out and also couldn’t stand crowded places, I’d rather be home. Because the saving money was much enough to credit a small house with its small space, and my office male mates burnt me to buy one, so I did. But I didn’t think we would live there at that time.

But years later I thought that I wasted some money to rent a big house and let my own small house just standing there without someone would clean it. So I tried to save money again –I lost all of saving money because of one reason- and slow but sure we tried to keep in our mind that the house was belong to us. My son and I went there sometimes just to check if we did have our house. It was funny enough, right? When we decided to move there, friends said that it’s a good choice. Because when we had stayed at our own home, we would think what more we might do for the home and when we needed to buy a stuff we would mention if that stuff would suit with our rooms. I thought it’s true.

So we –my son and I- wrote down what we needed and what we had to do first. Paint the house! I calculated how much it was but my son challenged me that we could paint our home by ourselves because it would have good paint that if we asked for others. I got laugh at first thinking it’s so impossible because I had no time. But he said that we could try. Yeah, we could of course! He told me that he wanna paint his room colorful. And we did! It has blue sky, soft pink and soft yellow!

Then I thought it’s impossible for me to have a sweet home because price of all matters were so high. But then I knew the key.

When the money is limited but we wanna have our sweet home, we can calculate how much money we should pay. Then ask the maintenance guys to calculate and how much we need to pay them. When it’s much lesser, we can ask for them to do all parts and we just know it’ll be finished and we will take the home key. When it’s much higher, we can buy the matters by ourselves and pay them just for their work. We should draw a blue print of the house and explain details for the maintenance guys. Don’t build all parts in one time. Just build one by one.

We sufficiently will have our own sweet home for sure!

(You can read more here…)

Where Should We Put Love?

It should go to a right place. Where is the right place? Nobody can predict where it is because nobody can read his/her future.

It’s something interesting when a guy asked me more about my identity just to make him himself sure about his dream. He one day had a dream that he would marry a woman from Indonesia and that dream also told him about her name. For those reasons, he asked my complete name, my date of birth, time of birth, and what the place name was. I asked him if the dream also told him about all things completely. He said he just wanna ask a smart person who could read future if I was his destiny. Wow, it’s more interesting than I knew before.

Yes we’re old friends. In my view, friends shouldn’t be in love each other as a woman and a man. Friends are friends. The love between friends is different with the love between a man and a woman. The relationship between friends is so special but it’s different with a man-a woman relationship.

I got mad with him when about one week later he came and told me the result of his trip. He said the smart person told him that everything between us was good. He clearly told me that he would marry me. What the fuck! How can he marry a woman just because he listens to the stranger? The smart person is a stranger for him, right? How can people believe in what a smart person's views just because he says that he can see the future or read lines on your palm? Wake up, it’s a new millennium where we live in the one world only and we can know what happens in other side of the world in second? When I told him these all, he got laugh so hard and said that I sounded like someone who didn’t believe in Goddess. He said I’m frustrated for years and it had changed me. What the hell is it? Me? Don’t believe in God? Oh my, nobody will say so. Everyone knows that I believe in Him but I just can’t believe in guy who acting as Him.

For me, I won’t be in love with a guy who I don’t know much about him. I may have a sweet feeling for him but it’s not a love. It happens just because he’s a man and I’m a woman. It’s something like when you meet an interesting one and you think you both may have fun together but it just what you think about you and that man/woman but not what you do in real with him/her. So it’s not a love at all.

So what we can say about love? It’s something unpredictable, neither by old people nor by young ones.

My Love

Not easy to say that I can be in love with someone after long bad past I had. What happened? It’s too long to tell but too much longer to write. I’d like to let it pass away and leave it behind.

Where do I put my love then? I share with every single person surround me and with some special ones. Some? Yes. But they get different loves from me. One of them is so special in my heart. He’s a nice-good guy with a big loving heart who is decent to be loved. He told me one day that I had covered the holes of his heart where he had placed his love long time before. For me, it means he loves me. So I think I’m not clapping in the air by my one hand.

I sufficiently wanna say that a love is something special in your heart when it comes to the right place. Find your right place and put your love over there. A love just comes from the God, never come from the evil.

(You can read more here…)

How Did I Face Threats?

These are my experiences of facing threats.

The first threat came from a father of my ex student who had to move out from our school because the student had collided many rules of the school. I tried to persuade the student that being a student of our school wasn’t the only one way to get success. So even he had to move to other school he could be success, I said.

A couple weeks later his parent phoned me and threatened me that he would report me to the police station because I had blamed his son in front of other students after his son moved out. I said he could ask every singe person in the school what I did to his son. If he could find something bad that I had done to his son, he might report me and I would face him. I wasn’t afraid of anything if I didn’t do something bad, I just tried to teach my students as well as I could and I didn’t mention who their parents but I would take care of them all as they were my own children, I explained him. I accept his son or other people’s sons here at dormitory as my own sons.

Every body is special in my heart. I’ll never hate a kid just because I have problem with his/her parents or sisters or brothers. I’ll get mad when kids try to against any rule but I never punish one of them. I’ll ask them what they should do. For an example, when kids don’t clean their room, I’ll ask them to clean it up. I don’t care they’re getting a sweet dream at that time. I’ll make them up and do what they should do before they sleep. Students say that they don’t wanna have a problem with me because I actually don’t give them a punishment but I will get discipline in anything. Students of X level say that they will rather face the principal than me because when I say something I’ll do that and I’ll get discipline with the made rules.

The second threat came from a woman who considered herself as a member of a Citizen Social Activity Group (LSM). At first she sent me a sms to ask the principal’s cell phone number. I replied her that I didn’t know it. About one hour later she sent me a number of sms and all said bad things of our school, SMA Plus Negeri 17 Palembang. I replied one by one and at that time I didn’t know that she’s a woman. By reading her rude words and statements, I thought she’s a man. When I phoned her cell number back, it’s engaged. I did about 4-5 times but she didn’t wanna pick it up.

The second incompletely sms of her said something wrong about Our School Olympiad Team. I replied ‘sorry, your sms came to me incompletely and you sent to a wrong person. I’m not a decision maker in SMA 17. I’m a trainer of Chemistry Olympiad and all students of Chemistry Olympiad Team reached the higher competition, is the province level. Sorry that I don’t like SMS, too lazy to press keypads’.
But she replied again and said worse about the school. One of my reply said ‘Wow, you know nothing about SMA Plus Negeri 17 Palembang. Better not to say something which you don’t know about. BTW thanks for sms, hope they would motivate all members of 17’.

But she replied me again with a sms which had no relation with my last sms and sent me some sms then. She tried to threat me and the school. she hoped I would get mad for her and I might reply her with bad words. She’s stupid and she didn’t know me at all. I replied her again ‘U look stupid much more than I thought of u before. I HATE sms, ok? Just pick your phone up or be a looser in your rest life. Get me, guy?’
I knew later that she’s a woman because she explained it by another sms.

Who is that stupid woman?

If she’s really a woman and she doesn’t know me, she’s really stupid. She just tried to fool me by her sms but she’d get nothing. Poor people!

I don’t wanna waste energy just because some bad words purposed to me or my work. If she would talk to me, I’d explaine her what she wanted to know about me myself, school, and my work. I bet she was trying to find something wrong in my work but she couldn’t find one anyway. I’m not talking that I’m perfect in work but at least I had given the best for me for school and students. If someone dare to say that I didn’t do my job well, she must be crazy. None will hear her words.

For me when I decide to do something I’ll give the best of me. I won’t ask other people to help me before I myself will try that work again and again. I won’t take a job which I think I can’t do well. I know what I can or can’t do because I just take hands on my work not on other people’s works.

How could I be calm when they're threating me?

Just don’t think that you’re talking to normal people. Imagine this: can you get mad to crazy-minded people? If u answered ‘no way’ you’re a normal one. So normal people should listen to in-normal people because it’s a way to recover their heart and mind.

(You can read more here…)

The Shoddy Education System of Indonesia

Was I too stupid or blind so I couldn’t see the shoddy education system in Indonesia? How could I pass anything around me for years as a teacher who has been in the education system in this country? Just because I don’t do that, I shouldn’t be blind.

Let me make it clear.

I was shocked enough when a XII grader told me that the newspapers today had painted about the national final examination. They reported about 1-2 senior high schools in the city which had cheated in the national exam. He told me that the teachers of those schools who had cheated the national exam, giving the answer keys of the national exam questions to their students. They opened the seal of covered question papers a few hours before the real examination should take place. They answered the questions and shared the answers for their students and students then shared the answer keys to their friends. Thus, all XII graders in the city had known the answers before they went to the school to take the exam. What the fuck!

The student told me that he didn’t trust the answer keys because he had studied and he trusted himself. He might say that because he’s one of our brilliant students as he’s a national Chemistry Olympiad participant. What about other students who aren’t too good academically?

When I was taking the university lecture, a class mate told me the same story of the national exam. I just could say ‘Oh my God, oh my God’ many times to show how I got shocked. He smiled but understood that I did don’t know about it. He told everything then. You all realize now why the title of this post is ‘The Shoddy Education System of Indonesia’.

How Could Teachers Do That?

I give these questions to teachers who have run that way. 

Don’t you think you shouldn’t be a teacher because you show a bad behave directly into students’ deep eyes? Where will you take the students by showing them a bad lesson of life? Do you think that you should be with them all the time of their life? How do they can be possible face their life when you take hands in all of their important jobs but you don’t show them the way of facing life? How can we have good fighters if we fight for them in their battles?

I know sometimes I show bad attitude for others, students in this case, but I never think I’ll teach them how to cheat. I’d taught students and prepared them all to take the exam since they’re in X grade and I thought the preparation was completed. For about three years, teachers in our school had taught students how to fight, prepared their guns, and showed them how to win the battle. I know if we had more time we’d teach them again and again but the time was over. They're ready or not, they must fight.

We all –I at least– trust them that they must be able to pass the final examination with good scores.

Pay Much Money For Nothing?

I’m curious why the government wanna waste so much time and money for a big nothing? What for they created the chosen good-standard questions to select which students might pass the exam and which ones might lost if the teachers who would answer those questions and not students?

In my opinion, it’s not fault of the teachers only. It’s a circle of the shoddy education system. I can’t think wrong about teachers not because I’m also a teacher. I think they need money as we all do. Their salary may be too low to pay everything –assume that they just earn from school and have no any other job but teach– and they’ll lost their job if students failed in the final exam. If the number of those students is big enough, the number of new students in the next academic year will be less than the last year. It’s a devil circle in education as the government can’t warrant good life for the citizen.

So what for we waste money to form a certain team and to create the final questions if the questions could select no students? Let’s forget about the final examination for the last grade of each level education if we do think about our society. Why don’t we use the money to create a better life for poor people so we may have a better life in this country? Government can use the money to pay a better education so students can study in any good school without paying any cent. We can pay the money for teachers to take higher education so they can develop their ability and skill and our education system will be better in the future. Having good education means having good generations.

God damn it, we gonna see soon how this country will disappear from the world map.

(You can read more here…)

National Examination for Indonesian Senior High School

I just wanna congratulate my students of XII level who are going to take a final examination of senior high school. The time is next Tuesday, April 22, 2008. It's the waited day for them all of course as they've been studying hard (or not, depends on the students) for three years for regular students and about two years for acceleration students.

How can you prepare it?

If you just wanna prepare yourselves right now it's tooooo late! You should had spent years (2-3 years) as well as you could before. But... if you had passed them not as what you'd planned, there's no any other way to change the time but just face your days.
I just wanna say that it's pretty late to take any courses to know the easier way to solve the problems of your specific subjects. But not too late if you could pass the final examination and then you wanna prepare yourselves to take any higher level. There's no wrong to learn something new but start it now or never. Don't blame yourselves because you'd passed a few years by wrong ways. At least you can start it for the next higher level of your education.

Be a honest person

You may not prepare yourselves so good but it doesn't mean you can do any way to take good scores. As I'm always telling you all that you have to be honest young people. If you're taking the examination and you couldn't answer as many as you hope in the exam, please don't cheat. Because being a cheater will prove yourselves and every single person that you're nothing! Don't be a looser for nothing you can sell for!

The last words in this post

I love you and I'm sure that you all have known it since long time ago. So kids, with my big love for you all, I'm gonna accompany you in your examination days by praying for you all.

(You can read more here…)

God Should Know

I have a big question for God. Does He know what my heart is speaking? If He answered yes, He should know what He might do. If He answered no, I’d tell Him all feelings I’m having right now. But I guess He knows already so I don’t need to explain it all here. That’s why I’m wondering so much why He just keeps silent. I don’t know why He doesn’t wanna work by his miraculous hands on this case. I asked him for years. Does He wanna see my sadness again after years it has accompanied me? God, You know I hate crying.

So we must wait and wait for something which we don’t know where it will end or when it will end. Oh God, please just give me a clue. I wish our dreams would come true before we gave up.
For God’s sake, He should do something in this case.He did, I guess, but I didn't like His chosen way because I couldn't see a good part of it yet. Sighhh....

(You can read more here…)

P*RN

When I heard that Indonesian government would close any fissure of porn in internet, I thought it’s pretty crazy. But it happened. The government would like to have idiot citizen by locking the p*rn in internet, right? It’s not because I like to watch porn spreading in internet as I have a teen with me but how we can say something is p*rn or another thing isn’t because p*rn is not same for every single person.

The saddest thing for me is they also block Youtube even we may find so many good channels over there. As I have no much time to watch television and because television just give me nothing so I’d like to watch news from Youtube. From Youtube, I knew how the world – ordinary people in the world in this context – accepts Indonesians and my country. I also learnt new vision of my religion over there. But they block it and they can’t show me other choices to improve my needs. How stupid!

I have my own opinion about this case why the government would like to block certain websites. You know, when someone thinks others will do something he probably has done that. So… because so many members of parliament loved to watch p*rn in internet and their children also loved to watch the same, they thought the p*rn would spread in all homes of Indonesians and it’s very danger because they won’t be the special members of p*rn websites!

Today they’ve planned to block Wikipedia and Google. They think Google has opened the way for porn. Don’t they know that Google is a search engine? By blocking a search engine meaning you’re closing a street! I’d love to inform those idiot people to block Yahoo! and Yahoo! messenger also. If they did it, they’re really idiot donkeys!God knows how they have been closing any door of Indonesian people to see the wide world.

(You can read more here…)

It's Really Bad

Seems it has any relation with last post titled 'Not Good Enough', doesn't it? But hey... it just describes a few parts, not all.

Because I wasn't good enough, I used to be alone and tried to analyze why it happened. The result is... I still don't know why it has been happening and what I should do to solve it. Honestly it's getting worse today... and it's really bad now.

I've thought too much I guess and my head is asking me to stop thinking about it because it's really overload so I can't post any good story here.

I don't know when I'll come back but I will as soon as I can... for sure.

(You can read more here…)

Not Good Enough

The most women may use their feeling to solve a problem but for sure it ain't my way at all. But hey... I'm a woman, right? How cannot I use same way with other women? Had I got too close with my father to make me think as what guys think? I thought I wasn't so close with my father when I was a teen only. But later we were. A few years before he passed away, he told mom, my sisters and brother that he wanna stay with me if mom went away before him. I can still remember how he stared at me when he at first time knew that I'd decided to wear hijab. I thought we weren't so close but he chose me to live with. He'd talk so much to me when he's staying with me. He talked everything and reminded me that I wasn't alone in this world. He said that I shouldn't take other people as I'd accepted myself because not all guys were good. Some people out there might get the advantages for themselves if I did trust them too much. I didn't know why he said so. But all are the truth I guess. And now I also cant use feeling as what other women do.

The title above describe my recent feeling. Not good enough. I don't know why I can't focus well on something. Am I too tired of this sucked life? Am I too old to think much? Yes I'm old already as I'm a mom of teenagers. I'd also seen too much in this world and many parts of it were so bad in my eyes. Yes, many parts....

I may be too tired to listen to office mates lying too much in their works. I just be close with a few number of office mates because they will tell me if I did wrong things. They're true friends I guess. But recently I can't chat with them as I have too much work and must go out when they all are in school. I think (see... I'm thinking again... this brain will be overload soon...) I don't know what to say because I'm not good enough inside.

(You can read more here…)

Does Stoichiometry Suck Your Life?

Oh God if I knew what the easiest way to teach stoichiometry for my students, I would run that way! I do don't know other way to explain stoichiometry after trying all ways I'd known. For me personally stoichiometry is the best part of chemistry. The most I loved in chemistry when I was at school was stoichiometry. I'd take the highest score in this part but not in the characteristic of Periodic System because this part might ask you to memorize too much thighed statements as I didn't like to memorize. For me at that time when a kinda natural lesson asked you much to memorize, the lesson should go to a social science. No wonder then why I loved stoichiometry more than other parts of chemistry.

But, oh my, I still need to face the worst world of mine after years I've struggled it. With no good mood of the weakest heart I put my students' papers on the floor as I was sitting around and checked all points of each paper. I hoped I'd find something wrong with my check point on some papers, hoped I was blank when I checked one or more papers and I needed to recheck the score. But I couldn't find something to increase even one score of the papers.

It's the second exam of stoichiometry. I needed to rerun the same field because nobody had taken a good score in last stoichiometric exam. Every single person should take minimally 70 as her/his score to pass the exam. In the last exam, the highest score was 42 and the lowest one was 14. And now I'm rechecking results of the second exam. The highest score is 48 and the lowest is 8. There are some students take 8 and some others take 16.

If I'd be a uncared teacher or I'd leave this part after leaving the chemistry class, I'd love it but how I could because I'd accept students as my sons and daughters. Will a mommy leave her kids alone when they need her? So I'm here with my students' papers and just face their papers on as my paled face going much paler. I don't think my students too stupid to answer such stoichiometry questions. Yes they all were A-level questions but we'd discussed such questions in the class. When I asked them why they couldn't answer the questions and many didn't answer essay questions, they said they didn't understand the questions because they were in English and I used new vocabularies in many questions. Of course I won't give same questions with what we'd studied in the class. All vocabularies I used in those questions were just common vocabularies and as I used Cambridge tutorial to check the British English style on the questions.

I'm curious what's wrong with my students. Do I use wrong ways when I'm teaching stoichiometry? Should I change the way I teach them? Can someone out there tell me what better way i should run on?

(You can read more here…)